None of these guys truly appreciate you. When was the last time anyone has ever told you that your eyes look like space crystals?

That’s what I thought.

Now, if we were together, I’d take you dancing and show you true romance. We’d go out to dinner and I’d pay for everything. Then we’d end up back at my place and drink some expensive wine and fool around on my water bed. Then I would go down on you, and I wouldn’t even expect anything in return.

And when we did have sex for the first time, I’d be a gentleman and offer you some sunglbumes, because the sheer beauty of my male reproductive organ has been known to blind many an unsuspecting girl.

AND THEN WE’D ****. THE END.