Greetings Denizens of The Trollhole,

I would like welcome you to the first of what I hope to be many chances for me to speak directly to you about the state of our beloved Trollhole and the direction it’s headed.

First of all, I must applaud you all for so quickly and magnificently constructing my beautiful palace/fortress, tentatively nicknamed “Fort Naruto”. Your ambition and desire to serve me will not go unnoticed.

Secondly, I know it has been a slow start. These poor, directionless posters have been without a sense of purpose for so long that I fully expected the takeover process to be a long and arduous one. I am delighted to see so many that I will be relying on heavily to carry out my dream being on board though. We are all of us egotistical by nature, and I applaud your choice to serve.

Before we get on to future business, I have a few appointments to announce. Bandaney has recently been promoted to Head of the Ministry of Parks and Woodland Areas, to accompany her role as co-Dean of the School of Blingee. Shii has also accepted a position as a distinguished lecturer in the School of Careposting to accompany his position as head lobbyist for representation of forumwarz minorities. NotJoePesci has also graciously accepted the Ambbumador of the Arts position, and will be traveling to other forums to sample their art and music, as well as their fermented beverages.

There has been a lot of talk as to what my intentions are, and what gives me the right to just take over. The answer to these questions stems from a common desire that permeates the entire community. Too long have I idly stood by and listened to posters complain about subpar forums and pine for past glory. We have endured the influx of awful posters from sites we would never visit. We have endured the promotion of a buzzkill tight-bum moderation staff that almost outnumbers active posters. We have endured the most promising of threads get buried under the most effortless spam floods. And we have endured this all while a lazy, uncaring, impotent moderation staff has done nothing to help the community that gave them their powers. Your inaction, however, and your inability to fight back for what you want due to years of being beaten down eliminated the chance of a mbum uprising. There could be no “we’re taking over the trollhole” because “we” includes all the ****ty posters we don’t want. You needed someone to step up and take action, and to be on point for the gradual takeover. So, really, you all have given me the right to take over, through your inaction and inability to get what you want. What you want is now what I want, and while that may seem overbearing at first, those of you who know me know it’s quite the opposite.

In closing, I hope our early success will hammer out a solid foundation for us to launch the remainder of my plans from.

Happy posing everyone.