alright this is the only game that can be played on this piece of **** so let’s do it

i’m going to need a pseudonym for our fearless liberal leader. also we’ll need answers to the following questions about him

The day I was born in 1984,

A was the day the Sandinista Front won the elections in Nicaragua

B was the 3rd anniversary of the bumbumination attempt on Ronald Reagan

C was the day the Macintosh was introduced

When I was bad,

A my parents argued with each other about me, but I was never punished.

B my father beat me. I learned to take a punch earlier than most.

C I was sent to my room, where I studied quietly by myself, alone.

In elementary school,

A I was the clbum clown. I even had some friends.

B I was unruly and often fought with other children.

C I was at the head of the clbum, and I worked very hard.

When I turned 10,

A my parents divorced. Acrimoniously. I once tripped over the paperwork!

B my parents divorced. Violently.

C my parents divorced. My studies suffered but I continued working.

When I hit junior high school,

A I broke into lockers and was into punk rock.

B I was into knives and broke things with bats. My anger was unmanaged.

C I got into chess and go. I was a total outcast.

Things were getting really bad…

A when I stole my first car. I got a few blocks before I totaled it.

B and I moved in with my dad. He had been in ‘nam and he still drank.

C and I went completely goth. I had no friends and made costumes by myself.

Well, I know it had reached a crescendo when…

A I stole a cop car when I was only 14. I went to juvie for six months.

B my mom shot her ex-husband, my dad, with a shotgun. She got off.

C I tried sports for a quarter, desperate to fit in.

I was only 15 and ran away, and…

A I started robbing houses: rich people only. I was fed up with their crap.

B I hung out with thugs and beat the **** out of people.

C I volunteered for a left-wing candidate. It wasn’t real, though, you know?

Life went on. When I turned 18, I…

A stole myself a security uniform.

B bought an AK-47.

C celebrated. I had saved $1,000!

For the past few years, I’ve been…

A stealing from corporations, but I want to do more.

B a violent criminal. Nothing can change that.

C volunteering for prominent liberals, but I know there’s a better way.

i’ll check back soon enough