Elwood Moose Posted:

You are fired form your job, your family all die, and your friends disown you, leaving you penniless and so very very alone.. .. You now have all the time in the world.

I wish I had Carmen Electra in my basement, tied to my hot water heater.

After a long night of drinking with your buddies, you decide to go on a walk. You stumble across Carmen Electra, tied up in the back of a van. You take her home and tie her up to the hot water heater in your basement, not realizing until too late that she’s dead. Been that way a long time, too, from the smell of her. The smell sets the neighbor’s dogs to barking which brings in the cops, who find the dead Ms. Electra and haul you off to prison where you spend the rest of your life being pbumed around like so much meat.

I wish I was more creative.