It had been a tough day for The nerd o powa, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves. When he woke up, Tnop had a quick shower and then he went outside. It wasn’t his usual morning routine to leave the house, but he had to, because he had run out of crackers and gatorade (the two things that his diet still included ever since both his parents had left for a carton of milk and never came back). As he stepped out, the light blinded him and the fresh air made him dizzy. Some would have given up on this and would have returned to the safety of the run-down house , where they would live off of the worn-out soles of their shoes, but not Tnop; he was not a man to give up easily, as is demonstrated by his enormous patience to perform repetitive and dull tasks all day long just for a little internet gratification which would be denied eventually, but that’s another story. Either way, he had pressed on and made it to the convenience store two blocks away. Once inside, he realized he had no money, as he had run through all his savings on the previous run to the store two months ago. He considered calling someone to borrow the cash, but then he realized he had no friends to call, nor did he have a phone.

Again, others would have given up, but Tnop, with his terribly strong character, refused; he decided he would steal the crackers and gatorade he so desperately craved. He went up to the cracker aisle and grabbed a few boxes, which he proceeded to stuff in his underwear (this was, in fact, a win-win situation for him, if the scheme would have worked – for one, he would have managed to steal the crackers, and, for the first time in his life, people would think he was particularly well-hung). Fearless, Tnop proceeded to the gatorade aisle, where he grabbed five botttles of gatorade and hid them in his bum. You could tell that he had experience with this kind of anal insertion, as he didn’t show any signs of distress while inserting the bottles or when walking towards the check-out with nothing in his hands.

As Tnop exited the store, the anti-theft buzzer went off and one scrawny-looking female security guard immobilized him.

What will happen next? Will Tnop manage to escape his captors or will he be shipped to jail for shoplifting? Find out the answer to this and many more in the next installment of “The adventures of The nerd o powa”