As I was walking down the street, a woman pushing a baby carriage suddenly exploded. I rushed over to see what had happened, and the baby was holding a gun. Suddenly, the gun exploded and turned into SCORPIONS. They were talking scorpions, apparently, as they told me, “Rowan, you fabulous person! Get FORUM WARZ EP2 RIGHT NOW!” I explained to them that as I was an orphan, living with a pedophiliac in Calgary, I could not possibly afford EP2. However, they issued an ultimatum, declaring, “If you do not come into possession of EP2 within a month, we will consume your deceased parents souls, and make them enjoy your soul in the mouth.”

I quickly rushed home, trying to forget the ordeal. Even the daily beatings by my oppressive foster parent couldn’t make me forget what the scorpions had said. Later, I earned enough money in the bottled-sweat mines to purchase EP2, but PayPal lost the money in the transaction. Unfortunately, my laser that shoots cats and guns and guncats is nowhere near completion, and my only friend Bulbasaur has moved to Italy.

This is why I must beg of you to donate EP2 to me. The scorpions haunt my dreams, and I fear will act upon their threats lest I acquire EP2 within the month of April.