Miss Prince Posted:

Everyone must know this one by now, but…

A duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “You got any duck food?”

The bartender says, “No, get out of here, we don’t have any duck food.” The duck leaves.

Next day the duck comes right back into the bar and asks, “You got any duck food?”

The bartender is pretty annoyed, and says, “No, we don’t have any duck food, get the hell out of my bar!” The duck leaves.

The next day the duck comes back again and asks, “You got any duck food?”

The bartender is livid at this point. “No! We don’t have any duck food, and if you come in here and ask that one more time, I’m gonna nail your little webbed feet to the floor!” The duck leaves again.

The next day, the duck comes back yet again and stands there staring at the bartender.

Finally the bartender can’t take it anymore and says, “Well?! Are you going to ask me the same question again?!”

The duck male reproductive organs its head. “You got any nails?”

The bartender is so surprised he forgets to be angry. “No, we don’t have any nails.”

“Well then… you got any duck food?”

This would win, but I’ve heard it before. So… This one wins.

DOPE-HARDCORE-0 Posted:

Three men are exiting the bathroom one after another (and surprisingly, not after soliciting eachother for gay sex, but that’s for political jokes that are hilariously unfunny).

The first gentlemen washes his hands, then uses all but one of the paper towels in the bathroom to dry his hands. He turns to the others and says, “I’m a doctor, so I was trained to use everything available to me in order to get my job done.”

The second gentleman washes his hands, then uses the remaining paper towel and says, “Well, that’s ok, because I’m a coder. I’m used to getting the job done using the least amount of resources possible.”

The third gentleman looks at the first two and then shrugs before walking out, saying, “I’m a school teacher. I was taught to not pee on my hands when I use the bathroom.”

Congrats.