This one’s pretty tame, and lots of people have probably heard it, but I’ll post it anyway because I like it.

There was a couple who went to church every Sunday, and every Sunday, without fail, the husband fell asleep during the sermon. The wife was embarrbumed by this, and went to the preacher for help.

“I have a plan,” the preacher said. “Take this pin. Next Sunday I’ll give you a signal — I’ll raise my arms in the air — and when I do that, you prick your husband with that pin.”

So the next Sunday came, and the husband drifted off. The preacher noticed, and prepared to give the signal. “And who is it, who fills our lives with meaning and forgives us our trespbumes in His infinite mercy?” He raised his arms, and the woman pricked her husband.

“GOD!” he yelled. The congregation murmured agreement.

But pretty soon he fell asleep again, and the preacher noticed, so he prepared to signal. “And who was it God sent to die for all our sins?” He raised his arms, and the wife pricked her husband again.

“JESUS!” he yelled, and a few “Hallelujah”s came from the congregation.

Now at this point, the preacher really started getting into his sermon, really selling it, and didn’t notice the man had fallen asleep yet again. “And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his hundredth son?” He raised his arms…

The man jumped out of his seat, livid, and turned on his wife. “So help me, if you stick that thing in me one more time I’ll break it in half and shove it up your bum!”

And the congregation said, “Amen.”