CloudieGin Posted:

Dear Dr. Fingerz,

My pee smells like beer, even though I’ve never had a drink in my life.

Should I make money by ****ing in mugs and giving them to alcoholics?

THE SMELL OF BEER IN URINE, IS COMMONLY CAUSED BY AN INFECTION SOMEWHERE IN THE BODY BY CANDIDA, OR IN COMMON TERMS, YEAST. YOU MAY BE HOSTING A COLONY OF YEAST SOMEWHERE IN YOUR BODY; IT IS PRESENT EVERYWHERE IN EVERYONE BUT AN IMBALANCE IN YOUR CHEMISTRY MAY BE ALLOWING THE YEST TO FLOURISH AND OVER POPULATE YOUR BODY. PRESCRIBING A VISIT TO THE LAB FOR COMPLETE URINALYSIS, INCLUDING AN ALCOHOL LEVEL TEST. IF ALCOHOL LEVELS ARE ABOVE 5% YOU CAN SAFELY BOTTLE AND SELL YOUR URINE AS SOME SORT OF “FLAT BEER”. WINOS WILL PROBABLY BUY IT. HOWEVER IF ALCOHOL IS NOT PRESENT IN THE URINE YOU CAN’T SELL IT TO WINOS BECAUSE THEY WILL KICK YOUR bum WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY’VE BEEN HAD. IN THAT CASE I WOULD PRESCRIBE A 30-DAY COURSE OF FLUCONAZOLE TO BE FOLLOWED UP WITH A TEST OF THE URINE AFTER THE 30 DAYS ARE OVER.

PROGNOSIS: EXCELLENT. ALSO YOU MIGHT GET RICH BY SELLING PEE TO WINOS.