TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,

AND THROUGHOUT WANG FIRE HIGH,

ALL THE WANGERS IN WANGVILLE

HAD STARTED TO CRY.

THEY CRIED WITHOUT CEASING

THEY CRIED WITHOUT PAUSE

THE REASON? THIS YEAR

THERE WOULD BE NO SANTA CLAUS!

IT ALL STARTED LAST SEPTEMBER,

I’LL RETTELL THE TAIL,

OF ROKU, HIS BEARD

AND SOKKA’S NIGHT OF FAIL:

WHILE AT THE DEL FUEGO HOUSE

SOKKA DID PILLAGE AND RANSACK.

AND WITH A GUN FILLED WITH DYE

TURNED ROKU’S BEARD INKY BLACK!

SAID ROKU: “SOKKA YOU DOLT!

THIS IS WORSE THAN I FEARED,

YOU’VE GONE AND RUINED CHRISTMAS

BY RUINING MY BEARD!

HOW CAN I PLAY SANTA,

WITHOUT A BEARD THAT’S SNOW-WHITE?

IT WOULDN’T BE DECENT!

IT WOULDN’T LOOK RIGHT!

AND SO YOU’VE RUINED CHRISTMAS

AND PUT US ALL IN A PINCH,

I HOPE THAT YOU’RE HAPPY,

MR. SOKKA-THE-GRINCH!”

CRIED SOKKA: “NO ROKU!

YOU LIE! HOW COULD THIS BE?

THAT CHRISTMAS COULD BE RUINED

AND BE RUINED BY ME?”

SAID ROKU: “THERE MAY BE ONE WAY

TO CHANGE FROM GRINCH BACK TO ELF,

YOU MUST USE THE POWER OF BEARDS

AND SAVE CHRISTMAS YOURSELF.”

SO FOR THREE MONTHS HE PLOTTED,

SOKKA THOUGHT AND HE PLANNED

ABOUT HOW BEST TO BRING CHRISTMAS

TO EVERYONE IN THE LAND.

CAME CHRISTMAS EVE HE WAS READY,

TO HIS PLAN HE’D ADHERED.

HE HAD THE PERFECT SANTA COSTUME

AND HIS VERY OWN FAKE BEARD.

HE HAD ALL THE PRESENTS,

AND TIED SOME ANTLERS ON FANG.

OUR OWN DEAR FRIEND SOKKA,

HAD BECOME SANTA-WANG!

SO HE TOOK FOO-FOO CUDDLY POOPS,

HIS SABER-TOOTHED LION-MOOSE

AND THEY FLEW UP INTO THE SKY

(WITH THE HELP OF SOME CACTUS JUICE).

THEY FLEW OVER EMBER ISLAND

AND OVER BA SING SE

DELIVERING ALL THE PRESENTS

BEFORE CHRISTMAS DAY:

FOR SUKI A BRACELET,

FOR KATARA A MUSIC BOX

(IN HOPES SHE WOULD ALWAYS

KEEP KNITTING HIM SOCKS)

FOR YANGCHEN AND APPA

WARM GLOVES FOR HAND AND FOR PAW

AND FOR AANG A NEW STAFF

TO HELP HIM PRACTICE BA GUA

FOR HAHN, A LUMP OF COAL

(AND A WHALE HUNTING KIT)

AND FOR JET, LOTS OF WEED

(THE REALLY GOOD ****)

FOR TYRO, HARUKA

AND HARU, THEIR SON

A TV WITH CABLE

AND UNIVISION

FOR HAMA, FIRE LILY PLANTS

AND FOR FOAMY, A RAKE

AND FOR JEONG JEONG, SILICON BAKE WARE

FOR THE BAKING OF CAKE

AND FOR BEE AND LONGSHOT,

A FULL ARSENAL OF NERF

TO HELP PROTECT THE TREE HOUSE

AND KEEP FOLKS OFF THEIR TURF

THE DUKE GETS A HAT

AND A BRAND-NEW TEA SET

AND FOR BUMI MORE BUNNY-CHOW

FOR HIS FREAKISHLY BIG PET

AND FOR HAKODA, POWER TOOLS

THE NICEST YOU’VE SEEN

AND FOR BATO A SUBSCRIPTION

TO PLAYBOY MAGAZINE

FOR KYA NEW COOKIE SHEETS,

IN ALL ABOUT TEN.

WITH A NOTE: “PLEASE DON’T EVER

TOUCH SOKKA’S GIRLFRIEND AGAIN!”

KANNA GETS A NEW BLEND-TECH BLENDER,

(QUALITY ON WHICH YOU CAN DEPEND)

AND SHE CAN FINALLY ANSWER

THE QUESTION “WILL IT BLEND?”

FOR PAKKU, A WOOLEN SWEATER

MADE WITH LOVE IN EVERY SINGLE STITCH

(MAYBE THIS YEAR HE WON’T

BE SUCH A CRABBY OLD ****)

FOR YUE, FINE JEWELRY

FOR SSBM, A WATCH

NEW DANCE SHOES FOR BEARDMAN

AND HIS BLACK-HOLE OF A CROTCH

NEW DRUG PARAPHERNALIA

FOR LILY AND CHONG

AND FOR MAI TROJAN MAGNUMS

FOR HER SHINY NEW SCHLONG

FOR TOPH, A RED RYDER

AIR-CARBINE ACTION GUN

FOR LEE, JARS OF NUTELLA

(FOR GOOD NOT-SO-CLEAN FUN)

FOR FAKE!AANG, BREAST BINDINGS

TO HELP HER BE STEALTHY

(REMEMBER KIDS THIS KIND OF

HERO WORSHIP AIN’T HEALTHY)

FOR AUNT WU, AND ZHAO

THE TYPIST, TONG AND MS. JUN

ALL SORTS OF OFFICE SUPPLIES AND BOOZE

(BECAUSE CLbumES START SOON)

AND PROFESSOR ZEI AND KUEI,

THE DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM TOO MUCH,

BOTH RECEIVED CELLULAR PHONE PLANS,

SO THEY CAN ALWAYS BE IN TOUCH

FOR ZEI’S MERMAID FRIEND,

SCALE-POLISH FOR HER TAIL

AND AN ANGER-MANAGEMENT BOOK

FOR A CERTAIN GRUMPY SNAIL

FOR KURUK A NEW MINI-FRIDGE

FILLED FULL OF JELLO SHOOTERS

AND FOR KYOSHI A GIFT CARD

TO HER FAVORITE RESTAURANT, HOOTERS

FOR TEO AND HIS DAD

A NEW CHEMISTRY SET

(AND BEST HOMEOWNERS INSURANCE

THAT MONEY CAN GET)

FOR ZUKO TONS OF CDS,

MAKE UP AND EMO-BOY CLOTHES

FOR AZULA, A RACK

WITH WHICH TO TORMENT HER FOES

FOR IROH, RARE TEAS

FOR OZZAI, NEW SHADES

FOR URSA A HUGE NEW

bumORTMENT OF BLADES

AND AS SANTA-WANG PbumED ROKU,

WHO WAS ASLEEP, HIS FACE SHEARED

SANTA LEFT, BY HIS PILLOW,

A BRAND-NEW FAKE BEARD

AND SO SANTA-WANG FINISHED

DELIVERING GIFTS TO HIS ILK

(SO HE WENT HOME TO HIS LADIES

FOR SOME NOOKIE AND MILK)

SO SOKKA HAD DONE IT,

HE WAS PRAISED AND REVERED

HE HAD ACTUALLY SAVED CHRISTMAS

(ALL THANKS TO HIS BEARD)

AND HE CALLED OUT TO ALL:

“IN THE NEW YEAR, GOOD LUCK!

AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

...AND TO ALL…A GOOD *SCRIBBLED OUT HERE WITH THE WORD “NIGHT” WRITTEN IN UNDERNEATH*!”