Fook mi Posted:

Well, my user name is.

Does that count?

Each bum is like a unique and beautiful snowflake, and this device can read the intricate grooves, folds and yes, even scents, that define your individual ****hole. Amazingly secure. The downside is, you need to clean it at least every two weeks to prevent blockage and stank. The same is true for your actual bum. This system is especially useful because the bum is very hard to remove from the body; in fact, it’s technically not even a body part, but a singularity where all other parts connect. It is the alpha and omega of the human form, truly a miracle of evolution. Emo-hackers with bumcrack piercings will need to remove it before each use.