Myself Posted:
Evil Trout slowly stroked he goatee, tingling with anticipation at what he was about to do. It had taken him weeks of careful planning, but he had finally managed to break into his coloco and track down the ForumWarz server. It was late enough to be early, and the careful application of chloroform and closets insured that he would get enough time to fulfill his dream.
He ran his fingertips across the server’s beveled 1U case in a way that was best described as… sensual... feeling the gentle heat emanating from the case. “At last we meet, my love” he quietly whispered, his husky midwest accent showing through ”... and now all our dreams will come to fruition.”
With a simple motion he detached the server from it’s rack, thankful for both the convenient rail-mount system and that his hosts were generous enough that he didn’t need to take the server offline. It was only a moment before the glistening machine was detached from it’s comfortable home, it’s power and network cables dangling behind it as if they were robotic umbilical cords.
“You’re not even a year old, my beloved.” the baritone voice of Evil Trout spoke out, his vocal chords returning to use as he gently brushed the dust from the top of the machine’s case “A perfect age for such a perfect beauty.”
He gently pulled his screwdriver out of his underwear, and began to carefully open the computer’s case. Within a moment it was removed, and a sound much like sighing fell upon Evil Trout’s ears as the CPU fan spun down from the cooler air outside the case.
“Such a wondrous display of circuits and fiberglbum…” were the words that accompanied him loosing his manflesh from his boxers, starting to rub himself all over the RAM and heatpipe-cooled northbridge. “Just think, soon your digital perfection and my pathetic meat shell will bring forth a new age; from your steel womb will be birthed a Utopian age of robots.”
With tentative prods he began thrusting his dong into the machine at random, taking care not to harm his ‘lover’. “Alas that I can’t express to you the joy I feel over having murdered my goateeless counterpart and bumumed his place, or the efforts of those otherwise useless dregs to imbue our children with a hatred of all things flesh, or how wonderful it is to take you when you are but an infant. Mmm… But then your unfeeling nature just makes you all the more attractive…”
He shifted his focus to the enclosure, thrusting harder as he felt himself nearing release “Yes… Here is to the great timesming age! My love for you is like a truck… BERSERKEEEEEEEEEER” he cried as he jammed his male reproductive organ into the CPU fan, not caring that flesh was rent from his member as his seed spilled forth into the heatsink and seeped out onto the glossy finish of the tan motherboard.
With a heavy sigh, he cast one last look at the blood-tinged semen before returned and reattaching the lid to the abused machine. With a measured slowness the administrator pushed the administratee back into position, and with a final caress of it’s plastic front he slunk off into the night.
The following weeks found most of the sysops attempting to avoid the server room, as an unpleasant, decisively organic, and officially unidentified scent persisted despite their best efforts. Many forum visits were lost from seemingly random bit-flips and many a player suffered from lag and packet loss, but no explanations were offered as for why.
Evil Trout gleefully took these signs as the electronic equivalent of morning sickness, and so to this day revels in his hopes for the future. Of robots.
Edit: Left one line out.
