In my youth, I was a lost, confused child. “Who am I?” I would often find myself thinking. “What is my purpose? Why am I here?” These thoughts and more plagued me on the playgrounds of my elementary school. As the other children would play and laugh, I would sit alone and contemplate my existence in this mad world. It was on one such occasion that a creature waddled up to me. Its body was plump, the back arched, the neck was thick, the hind feet webbed, and all its digits clawed. However, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt.

“Hello noble creature,” I began. “What purpose do you serve?”

“I serve no purpose other than to bring you information, good sir.” It told me. “I have received word of what ails you, and I come with an offer. If you would care to do so, I have a cert-

I got bored of writing this. Moral: ducks are fabulous persons. I’m not one. BP me.