To be honest, your story is terrible. It’s horribly cliche; the dialogue is terrible and the characters are incredibly flat. Dave’s development is clumsy and ineffective, and at times his actions are unbelievable and inappropriate.

Sorry, but it is the truth. The story shows the lack of effort on your part. If I was were your English teacher, I’d give you a C. For a writing clbum, I’d give this a D.