When evening came, his disciples went down to the sea, got into a boat and started across the sea to Capernaum. As they were crossing the sea, an enormous octopus reached out its slimy tentacle, and dragged the disciples into his watery lair. Barry White was playing on the octopus’s stereo, and he had black silk sheets on his octopus bed.

“Lo, baby”, said the octopus. “There’s a guy in these parts who keeps on hitting on all the women who are caught in adultery. Therefore, I’m reduced to taking whatever I can get.”

With that, the octopus grabbed the first disciple, and dragged him onto his silk sheets. “Mmm, Mathew baby. Prepare for some good, good octopus loving.” The other disciples grabbed rocks and attempted to save their friend, but as they did so, Jesusman burst into the octopus’s lair and cried out, “Let he that has never done it with an octopus, cast the first stone!”

The other disciples put down their rocks and snuck away. And when the octopus had lifted himself up off the disciple and saw naught but a puddle of octopus jism, Jesusman said unto him, “Octopus, where are your accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?”

And the octopus replied, “No, Jesusman. Once they get a taste of that sweet, sweet tentacled loving, their objections simply fade away.” And Jesusman said onto the octopus, “Neither do I condemn thee. Go, octopus, and enjoy no more!”