THE 10 OF DIAMONDS IS A PARANOID BASTARD by Something_Witty

Me: *driving around in a stolen NK jeep, singing Judas Priest songs, running over any NK dudes along the way*

Badbum NK Tank: (shouts something incomprehendable)

Badbum NK Tank: *gets hijacked*

Me: *starts humming the Benny Hill theme, crushing a few minor encampments along the way*

Me: This is too simple…I’m betting I’m gonna start running into some resistance soon…

*this is about when I run into 5 tanks. at once. 5 ****ING TANKS.

Me: HOLY CHRIST ON A STICK. TIME TO CALL IN AIR SUPPORT.

*signal is jammed by a jammer planted safely way beyond the tanks*

Me: THE HELL KIND OF PARANOID WANKER HAS 5 TANKS GUARDING HIM?! D:

Me: *proceeds to get horribly raped many times. the one time I snuck past the tanks in a jeep, they shot me and the dude when I got out, killing him and half the money*

Me: THIS IS THE WORST GAME EVER ;o;