In two weeks we’ll be rolling out some new Domination cards. Normally we’d just spring them on you but you’re all so much better at finding problems than we are, we figured we should show them now so Trout can tweak them before they cause problems.

*The Machine Gun: By playing this card, you will remove one random scoop from every player on the scoreboard. You have no choice over what flavas they will be.

*The ****ing bumhole: If you play this card, you will destroy 1 medal of the player with the most scoops on your scoreboard. This card can only be used once per week.

*The Lame Improvement: When you play this card, you can give yourself two free scoops in any one of your flavas for every three scoops in another flava you trade in.

We eagerly look forward to your feedback on what we feel are some exciting new changes. Except maybe the last one, but that was Trout’s idea and he sucks at Domination.