A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” “That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this…when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?”

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The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. “I bumume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning?” “There is,” he replied. “Breakfast.”

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A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, “Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I’ll be goddamned if I am going to wait my bum on line anymore.” “Please”, says the woman. “I won’t have that kind of language in this bank.” “Well excuse me, but this ****in’ check ain’t drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin’ away about my language.” “Sir, I don’t have to take this abuse” she says. “Well then let’s get the ****in’ manager okay? I mean what kind of **** is this I have to take from you?” The manager is summoned, and says “What seems to be the problem?” The woman says, “This man is using vulgar language and I won’t stand for it.” The man says “Hey alls I’m trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ’s sake is deposit this ****in’ check for 15 million dollars.” The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says “And this ****in’ **** won’t help you?”

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Three explorers are captured by a tribe in the Amazon jungle. The chief is going to punish the intruders. He calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, “Death or Cheech?!”. Well the explorer doesn’t want to die, so he opts for Cheech. The tribe starts screaming CHEECH! and dancing around. the cheif then rips the explorers pants off and ****s him in the bum.

The cheif calls the second explorer to the front and asks, “Death or Cheech?!”. Well not wanting to die either, he opts for Cheech. The tribe again starts screaming Cheech! and dancing around. The cheif rips the second guys pants off and ****s him in the bum.

The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, “Death or Cheech?!”. Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams “DEATH BY CHEECH!”