An elderly couple are having dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says to his wife, “It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. I want to bumure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for and your answer will never take all that away. But… I must know, did he have a different father?”

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, pauses for moment and then confesses. “Yes, he did.”

“Who was he?” he asks.

The old woman drops her head, trying to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. She gulps down her wine and finally, she says, “You.”

Log in to see images!

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side.

“When I got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were enormous on her and she said that she couldn’t possibly wear them as they were too large. I said to her, ‘of course they are too large for you. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.”

Jack took his father’s advice to heart and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding he did the same thing. He took off his trousers and handed them to Jill and told her to try them on. When she did she said, “I can’t wear these, they’re far too large for me.”

“Exactly,” Jack replied, “I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

Then Jill took off her knickers and gave them to Jack. “Try these on, Jack,” she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.

“I can’t get into your knickers,” said Jack.

So Jill replied “Exactly, and if you don’t change your ****ing attitude, you never will!”