*loud recording on an answering machine*

*BEEP*

Any of you meatbags having troubles with Vampires?

Would you like to know if your horoscope reading was accurate?

Maybe you’d like to know where Grandma kept her secret stash of expensive jewelry before she croaked?

Sick and tired of being raped by that Succubus in your sleep?

Want to know what the future holds for you and your gay lover?

Maybe you just lost your stupid Fur suit and desperately need to find it before the next Furrie convention?

Well, the Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is open for business and we’re licensed!

Log in to see images!

For a fee, I can tell you your future, contact your loved one’s who are beyond the grave, or get rid of that pesky poltergiest in your basement!

Just leave a message meatbags. Maybe I’ll even answer.

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*recorded message of a lawyer speaking rapidly and informing you that*

“The Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is not held liable for any deaths and or injuries which may occur while follwing the advice of Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency. The Flying Monkey Psychic Detective Agency is not responsible for any damage to property or pets, which may occur while hunting down supernatural entities. Other terms and conditions may apply.”

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*Annoying female voice* “After the tone, leave your message, you may leave your callback number by pressing five now.”

*BEEP*