Wikipedia Entry: Sloths are probably considered to be intriguing mainly for their facial expression that says “I am here for a fun time but let’s not get too rowdy.” (See Fig. 1)

Fig 1.

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Fact: Sloths move so slow because they are saving energy for the wildest sex imaginable.

Baby Sloths: Chill out and have fun while hanging on to their mom while she moves 0.5-1 ft per minute just to get down a tree for bathroom business. (See Fig. 2)

Fig. 2

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Fact: Sloths can (and will) **** you up.

Wikipedia entry: The sloth’s claws can slice steel and bicycles if they were in fact wielded by a late 1800’s strongman.

Also, sloths can have a green tinge due to their incredible symbiotic bacteria that give sloths almost superhuman protection, agility, and strength.

Prehistoric Sloths: Known to have gone extinct in the late ice age period. They were as tall as trees, ate thunderbolts, and **** lightning. (See Fig. 3)

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SLOTHS ARE UNDER ATTACK!:

If you see any of these things listed, you are advised to impale and post it outside of your adobe/castle ramparts

POACHER:

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(Noticeable feature: curly mustache)

JAGUARS:

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(Noticeable feature: native savage remains dangling from mouth)

HARPY EAGLES:

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(Noticeable feature: ****ing eagle)

Bow down to the supreme creature!

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