King Krimson Posted:

P.S.S – How many people are reading this? My curiosity must be sated.

Well everyone on the forums I frequent and MSN contacts list for a start.

Well my attempt…

You there. Yes you, with the robe pulled up to your face.

I think you have a mistake, I don’t do stupid wizard threads.

Come here. I heard you’ve been asking about me. The mysterious man with no name. Everyone in this bar has a story to tell. Why are you so interested in mine?

I honestly have no idea, it’s already clear you are unable to use paragraphs and I’m sure half of the yahoos in your mind could come up with more interesting ****e.

I see. ‘I seem familiar’. You sure you want to hear my story? It’s not pretty. You won’t like the ending.

I don’t even like the beginning…

Okay then. For as long as I can remember, I had two friends in my village. One boy and one girl. We would play outside when it wasn’t so dark, when the danger was lowest. We would make believe that we were Vampire Hunters, slaying the great menace that stalks our lands.

Did you act as bad as the rejects in Buffy the Vampire slayer?

We would alternate between hunter and hunted, good and evil. I see a glint of recognition in your eyes. Maybe you used to do the same? Anyway, the deep friendship I felt about my lady companion eventually grew to something more. I never spoke of it though. In the end, it was too late.

Typical, not ten minutes in and you’re gabbing off about never getting a girl. Baaaaw, cry more emo kid.

My other companion evidently felt the same way about her as I did, and so he proposed. She agreed, and inside my heart was broken.

Is that it? No courtship or anything. Christ if you’re gonna have a romance driven plot at least elaborate a little.

I still loved her, even though she was now never to be mine. Do not think I ever tried acting on my feelings, as some are wont to do. I am, after all, a gentleman. Some years pbumed, and eventually, the vampire threat selected our village.

So from you losing your love of your life to vampires attacking your village in what, 3 lines? You really don’t like depth do you?

Our children were stolen in the night, and our women were defiled. Many brave men tried to fight back, and after a while they pin-pointed the source of the attacks. Of course, they all perished in the counter-attacks, rest their souls.

You do know that Vampires feed on virgins and turn them into vampires as well not just “steal kids and enjoy women”.

All that was left of them in the morning was their severed heads pinned to their homes. Each one of them had the most terrifying expression, locked in place for the rest of eternity. BY this time my friends and I had become vampire slayers.

BY this time? Gosh what’s with the caps?

We were away purifying a nest of the foul creatures when our kinsmen fought back, so don’t think for one second that we sat back while our friends and family were slaughtered.

I was more interested in when you were gonna shut up rather then if you could actually fight anything.

When we heard of the atrocity, we immediately set out to combat the demonic foe. While the villagers had pitchforks and torches, we had holy water and sharpened stakes. Due to our experience, I thought they would fall easily.

If they were gonna fall so easily then why did they all get killed and decapitated earlier?

I had no idea at the time that this was to be the worst night of my life. It started routinely enough. We came across a few of the abhorrent creatures sleeping just inside the wood. We slew them where they slept. As we went deeper, however, I started to become uneasy. Why weren’t we meeting more resistance?

Because they were asleep you gigantic retard?

I know now, of course, but at the time I had absolute trust in my ‘friend’. They attacked all at once. Two of us tried to fight them off, but he just stood there. Watched as she was pinned down. Watched as his wife was ravaged. Watched as the woman I loved was torn apart. I lived that day. But at the same time, I died.

Oh how melodramatic, you do know that if he was just standing there that means only 1 of you were fighting them off? Jesus counting to 2 isn’t hard.

I couldn’t find his body, but I did bury all that I could find of my love. I know what happened now. Later on, there were talks of a ‘Vampire King’. One that is human, but consorts with the night. He sold his soul for power. I sold mine for revenge.

Selling souls, best friends betraying you, love of your life killed. Is there any over used plot twist you’ve yet to soil?

That’s why I came here. I heard that the King had set his sights on this village. I would find him, and exact my vengeance. And now, finally, I find you. You bastard.

Considering I’m apparently your friend (god help me) wouldn’t I have remembered doing all this?

It may have been one- hundred years since I last saw you, but don’t think I could forget the person who tore my world apart. Don’t move. Not that you could, anyway. I’ve learned a few new tricks since that night. I am going to make you suffer, as she suffered.

You even think about molesting me and you’ll be walking funny for the rest of your life.

Each day you will beg for a death that cannot be granted. And I’m not going anywhere either. I’m marked too. The mark of Cain. Eternal life, and for you, my friend; eternal pain.

So wait…was there any story at all here? This is possibly the skimpiest **** I’ve ever read. You barely spend any time on any one point and then just end saying I’ll suffer? Well mission ****ing accomplished, I don’t think I’ll ever erase this from my brain.

Copyright 2008 King Krimson. Please don’t try to pbum this work off as your own, as that would be illegal. Have fun!

Not quite sure why anyone would want to be bumociated with you but don’t worry your little head about it.

Pretty ****ing hard since there isn’t actually that much inherently wrong with it. No obvious spelling or grammatical errors I can see aside from a lack of paragraphs. It’s actually not that badLog in to see images! Herrick edited this message on 06/13/2008 8:17PM