Chapter 1

It was a fine day, sun in the sky, birds in the sky, even airplanes were in the sky today! Which was super. Because if it was cold Captain Soda would have to ultra-super-duper-cajolingly rush back inside and fetch his scarf, although he loved his scarf( made for him by the teapot) very much it would be such an annoying task to fulfill! So off skipped Captain Soda to school. When he arrived Pete leapt over the desk and kissed Captain Soda on both cheeks and knelt down and even kissed Captain Soda’s shining black shoes. “hello pet” said Captain Soda in his brand-new northern English accent (which he had adopted from masturbating over Deirdre in Coronation street for a month) and sat down, emptying his make-up onto his desk, with Pete kneeling next to him watching and learning from his super master. “blush, check” muttered Captain Soda to himself as he picked up each piece of equipment “mascara, check, lipstick, check, eye shadow check, double bactrian camel..” Captain Soda paused here and looked in his bag, there was nothing in there “where’s my double bactrian camel!!” shouted Captain Soda desperately, looking around for some one to say “ha ha! Gotcha Captain Soda! Here it is” but no one did. Pete noticed a horrible glint of fear in Captain Soda’s eyes, which he had never seen before, Captain Soda wasn’t supposed to be afraid of anything! Not nothing! But he was…and Pete wet himself and belly flopped home shouting “Verbatim! Verbatim! Verbatim-tim!” At that moment Chloe walked in smiling hysterically, which had become permanent since she got over Captain Soda, and said through clenched teeth “Captain Soda, what’sh wrong?” but Captain Soda had already gone..gone into a form of emotion only known as..rage!! He was smashing up the clbum room and every one and thing in it, BAM! WAM! SOCK! SHOE!DC NOISES DON’T MAKE SENSE! YES THEY DO! OK THEN!GLAD WE GOT THAT SORTED!SO AM I! OK! And in a second every one was dead and Captain Soda was doing his make up, preparing to search the world. He was just about to go when he remembered he might have to search in the Antarctica, and he would get nippy so he ultra-super-duper-cajolingly rushed back home and got his pretty little pink scarf and set off. He was right, he did have to search in the Antarctica and he was right about it being a bit nippy too, it was a bit nippy. Captain Soda knocked on an Eskimo’s door and waited, A little man opened it and told him that he had seen a double bactrian camel, just north of the shire, but he had turned evil! Captain Soda cried, his little Cherokee. all grown up and evil. When he was done crying he skipped to the shire and found his double bactrian camel had grown to the size of a house and was made of iron, huge metal claws swung at random things such as Tree’s! farms! Rocks! Banks! Although Captain Soda loved his double bactrian camel, he had to stop him, so with a “raw!” Captain Soda leapt up at the double bactrian camel’s face and tore it off, with no face the double bactrian camel was blind and ran around crazily, Captain Soda punched the double bactrian camel in the chest and made a hole, his poor, poor Cherokee fell to the floor screaming his mechanical song and died. Captain Soda sat around for a while doing various things, singing, crying, sleeping, eating est. est. and then went home and made sweet, sweet love to that Lana fellow, Yippy!

THE END