1) Don’t be evil.*

*Not because we’re good people or humanitarians or anything like that. Matter of fact, we’d probably best be described as a bunch of bumholes, just like you. Still, we maintain a strict “do no evil” policy for the sole reason that Internet users nowadays are such incessantly whiny, mollycoddled, paranoid little ****bags that the moment they suspect you of the tiniest quote-unquote “evil” infraction, like selling off email addresses to advertisers or surreptitiously sneaking in sponsored content — you know, anything that might make you a little bit of income, for ****’s sake — these male reproductive organwipes will ****, complain and badmouth you until your reputation (and hence, your entire business) is effectively crippled forever. And we don’t want that to happen anytime soon.

So you can rest bumured, you little bumholes, that Forumwarz is on the up-and-up, whatever the **** that means. I mean, Google has bent over backwards for years to make this the central tenet of their policy, and yet every month or so some fat, bearded, impotent douche-guzzler of a technology blogger sees it fit to announce that…yes! Google is, in fact, “evil,” because they did business with China! Or because they haven’t yet solved the impossible task of eliminating click fraud! Or because…because…I’m a useless piece of ****, that’s why! **** you. Okay? Just **** you all. Just play the goddamn game and we promise not to enjoy your kid sister or whatever the **** else it is you expect we’re able to do with our magical computers and ****.

And please, enjoy.