I declare that all of the following pictures were taken by myself, and are public domain.

Broken Sandal

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In its 3-year life tromping through mudflats, forests, beaches, landfills, dirt roads, dog turds, and stagnant pools, it has been washed a grand total of once. The cultures on this thing have launched an appeal to be granted independence as a nation.

Ppwn shoppe price: 9 flezz

Very Small Dog

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Sure, you have to feed it, listen to it yap, play with it, bath it and clean up its turds, fur, parasites, drool, etc, but when it grabs the instant attention of every girl within a 5-mile radius with a simple tail wag, you’ll agree it’s well worth the trouble.

Ppwn shoppe price: 3146 flezz

Stack of Burnt DVDs

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“Yarr, .mp3s off the port bow! Stand by ta board ye olde thepiratebay.org fer sum luting and plundrin’!” More stolen data than you can shake a hard drive at, this’ll keep you entertained for YEARS. Now, which disc has the granny porn?

Ppwn shoppe price: 417 flezz

Wooden Figurine

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Man, I’d sacrifice a few ribs to be able to do that too…

Ppwn shoppe price: 14 flezz

Bunch of Wooden Flowers

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Show her I care? Screw that, any idea how much flowers cost these days? Besides, this is more symbolic, these ones will never die! Um, unless termites strike.

Ppwn shoppe price: 23

****in’ Pimp Hat

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Regardless of how awesome this hat is, no, you will NOT ever be a pimp, and yes, you’re still ugly.

Ppwn shoppe price: 72 flezz