Dear Mr. Blowjob,

My goodness, what an alarming photograph. How do you make it flash like that?

While I appreciate your attempt to contribute to the discussion, I feel it ingreat timesbent upon me — as the instigator of this “thread,” as you young people like to call it — to remind you that the topic we were discussing was Jesus and Christianity. Perhaps you are a mental defective of some sort, like my little granddaughter, and can’t understand or follow our discussion. If that is the case, I would suggest that you ask your priest to spend more time with you in private contemplation. Remember, young man, that your priest is your very special friend.

With all Christian love,

Mrs. Lucinda Sherwood