You are a virgin. It is obvious by your facial hair that is so long, there is no way that any woman would ever want to touch your face, unless it was to yank that beard and slam it into a brick wall.

You’re so ugly your hair is running away from your face, much like you ran away from your faith in God when your parents tried to force it upon you as a child.

You are fat because you do not believe that gluttony is a sin, you believe it is a virtue of life. In essence you are the slug of America, and everything that is bad about it.

I am going to kick your bum.