Dear Fellow Pawns;

Since November 1st, 1993 I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 5287 days by convincing myself that McDonald’s would bring back the Double ZestaBurger—if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day.

Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness. Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald’s global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 525 limited times in the last 14 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, congratulations, you win. McDonald’s 1, MasterBaiter 0. You have killed my will, spirit and soul; now my body will follow.

Luckily, I will be going to a better place. A place where my happiness won’t be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of fry cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc’s is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA’s from Hamburger U.

Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.

Sincerely,

MasterBaiter

P.S. Tell everyone I’m not psychotic