You suffer a terrible accident involving a circular saw, a mickey of Jack Daniels, and the left side of your head. You are grotesquely disfigured; your left temporal lobe is destroyed, leaving you without the power to speak or to understand speech; and your body is racked with seizures. Unable to perform your job, you become destitute and end up living on the street. For a while, your internal awesomeness is undiminished, but eventually the loneliness that comes from disfigurement and the loss of communicative function, months of malnutrition, and the maggots that infest your head wound slowly destroy what remains of your cognitive function and personality. You are driven from the streets and forced to seek shelter in an abandoned graveyard where you consume dead crows and squirrels. Physically, mentally, and personally, you represent nothing more than a zombie. You are no longer awesome. You are simply disgusting.

I wish they had not built that ugly condo building across the street from my apartment.