Mod Edit: Removed goatse

Johnald The Robot was banned for this post by spacekadt

Reported for Shock in CD

Mod Note: http://www.forumwarz.com/help/me/77-what-is-mini-modding

GGG_Ace was banned for this post by spacekadt

Thank you Mods for this speedy justice.

Johnald The Robot Posted:

FOW

We’ve all seen goatse so many times… extremely weak shock value. Why would it still merit a week and half ban?

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It wasn’t enough that he told the little barnacle head that he didn’t necessarily hate him. Oh no, SpongeBob was too GOOD for that!

And it wasn’t enough that he told the little barnacle head that he maybe, sorta, just a tiny bit, almost tolerated him. Nope, too good for that, too.

It wasn’t even enough that he told the little barnacle head that he liked him, almost.

What more could he possibly want?

“What do you want me to say? That I’m madly in love with you?” Squidward snapped.

SpongeBob’s face brightened immediately. “Really? You are, Squiddy? I love you, too.” He started hugging the simultaneously blushing and paling cephalopod.

“Wha-NO! That isn’t what I said?”

“It isn’t?” SpongeBob pulled out of the embrace, wide eyed.

“NO! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I-I thought tha-that . . .”

“That what?” Squidward spat. “Why the **** would I love you? If was going to choose someone in this neighborhood to . . . gag . . . “love”, it would be Patrick over you. At least he looks good in drag.”

“I can look good in drag!” SpongeBob squeaked. “I promise!”

“Pfft, yeah, right, SpongeBob.”

“I swear!” He jumped up and down, eager to please. “I look great in a dress! Cross my heart.” He ran off, much to Squidward’s satisfaction.

“Moron.”

Hours pbumed and Squidward mostly forgot the awkward conversation, settling into a chair for some hot chocolate and Thoreau. Yes, tonight would be a transcendental night.

“SQUIDWAAAAARD!”

The octopus growled, slamming his book into the ground. “What the hell do you want, SpongeBo-” He opened the door, jaw dropping to the floor.

“See? I told you.”

“Spo-Sponge-SpongeBob, i-is that y-y-you?”

SpongeBob giggled, lifting the hem of his skirt into a curtsey. “Cute, right? I was a schoolgirl for Halloween a couple years ago. Good thing I kept the costume.”

“You were a schoolgirl for Halloween?” Squidward managed to scowl, even through his shock. “That is so gay.”

SpongeBob shrugged, still smiling. “Patrick liked it,” He said simply.

Squidward frowned harder. “Well, so what? I could care less what he thinks.”

“Squidward, can I come in? I’m freezing!” SpongeBob pouted.

“It’s not that cold out here. Besides, you only live a couple houses away.”

“Yeah, but . . .” SpongeBob bit his bottom lip, knees knocking together beneath his mini skirt, “But I’m too cold.”

“Why would you be cold?”

“Because I forgot to put on any unde-” He paused for a moment, mind finding the correct word. “Panties.”

Squidward flushed again. That word alone was the downfall of many a man, and hearing it come from somebody so cu-um, from SpongeBob . . . SpongeBob in a junior high Catholic schoolgirl outfit . . . well, it was a bit . . . bit . . .

“Squidward, are you okay?” SpongeBob stepped closer, eyes wide in concern.

“Huh? I’m fine.”

“Do you love me yet?” SpongeBob asked longingly.

“No!”

“Well, if I can prove that I’m a good lover, then will you love me?”

“Good lover? What the hell are you talki-mphhh!” Squidward resisted yellow lips pressed against his own, pressing soft and sweet.

Actually, he probably would have been able to ignore that, had SpongeBob not decided to slip him the tongue.

“Get OFF me, SpongeBob!” Squidward pushed the much younger male away in disgust. SpongeBob landed on the ground, hard, tears in his eyes.

“W-what did I do wrong?” SpongeBob shook timidly.

Squidward’s rage softened. After all, this was SpongeBob! SpongeBob wasn’t smart enough to be a sexual harbumer. He probably thought a kiss like that was a normal thing between friends.

Except Squidward and SpongeBob were definitely NOT friends!

And SpongeBob really wasn’t wearing panties, Squidward noted.

No, Squiddy, no! You can NOT look up the skirt of your annoying neighbor. You do not want to repeat the Patricia incident, now do you?

Besides, SpongeBob didn’t even really look like a girl. Or rather, SpongeBob had always looked feminine, thus reducing the shock of the whole drag thing.

Still. Schoolgirl? Had SpongeBob purposefully chosen one of the kinkiest, most forbidden fantasies possessed by man?

No, SpongeBob wasn’t perverted like that . . .

Was he?

SpongeBob sat crying on the floor, mascara running. “I’ll just leave, Squidward. I-I’m, sorry.”

No, definitely not. SpongeBob was no sex maniac.

And Squidward was feeling a little guilty about shoving him off like that. Poor little guy. All he’d done was love Squidward too much. Wasn’t everyone guilty of that crime? Squidward included in the everyone, of course.

“SpongeBob, you don’t have to leave,” Squidward heard himself say. “In fact, the only reason I was mad was because . . . because . . .”

“You love me?” SpongeBob’s eyes sparkled.

“NO! Because . . . you have the wrong technique.”

“Technique?”

“Yes. Kissing should be done like . . like . . .” Squidward jerked the sponge to his feet, hesitating for a moment before leaning close. “Like this,” He murmured before his lips brushed against SpongeBob’s, delicately at first, almost inexperienced, for Squidward hadn’t kissed anyone since . . . well, make-out reef and, well, lest I decide to jack yet ANOTHER plot synopsis from Band8PGeek, let’s just leave that encounter to the imagination, shall we?

SpongeBob squirmed, slowly returning the kiss, tongue quivering against Squidward’s tongue. SpongeBob wasn’t even attempting to have a dominance battle, instead full out accepting his fate. His hot, delicious fate.

Squidward might even taste better than Krabby Patties, SpongeBob thought dimly, smiling into the kiss. He stifled any feelings of sacrilege at the thought-now was not the time to concern himself with work loyalty. Tonight, he was all Squidward’s.

Hopefully Squidward would want to keep him.

Squidward pulled back for breath, eyes slowly opening only to find SpongeBob still shaking, body in shock from such pleasure.

If he gets that worked up over kissing, I’d hate to see what he does when I . . .

No, Squidward couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He shouldn’t.

Oh hell, he would. SpongeBob was wearing a schoolgirl outfit, for Neptune’s sake! It was practically a requirement to give him the best orgasm of his life.

“The only orgasm of his life,” Squidward corrected.

“Huh?” SpongeBob finally opened his eyes, glbumy with lust.

“Oh, nothing,” Then, amending himself. “I was just thinking that you’re a virgin and I probably shouldn’t take advantage of that.”

SpongeBob’s brow crinkled. “I’m a what now?”

“A virgin.”

“Who’s that?”

“You know. You’ve never done it.”

“Done what exactly?”

“****ED!” Squidward yelled, ****ed and turned on by such naivety.

“****ed. That’s a funny word!”

“Sex. You’ve never had sex!”

“OH! Silly Squidward, I’m not a . . . um . . . what did you call it?”

“Virgin.”

“Right. I’m not one of those.” SpongeBob laughed. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you’ve never had sex! That’s why I’d think that.”

“But I have! Honest!”

Squidward’s eye twitched. “Y-you’re a virgin. You gotta be a virgin.”

“Nope!”

“Then who the hell fuc-who did you have sex with?”

“Why?”

“I’m just curious,” Squidward kept his tone calm, despite his disappointment and rage.

Oh, but maybe it was enjoy! Sure, SpongeBob was a very rapable guy. Anyone that cute HAD to have been sexually bumaulted. Squidward felt guilty about having judged him so harshly. And a tinge of a strange emotion . . . admiration? Adoration? A desire to protect and cherish? Poor SpongeBob! Innocence stolen so harshly.

“Oh, you know. Larry and Patrick and Mr. Krabs and . . . um . . . who’s that guy with the unibrow that you fight with all the time?”

“Squilliam,” Squidward hissed darkly. He hadn’t realized there were this many rapists in Bikini Bottom!

“Yeah, him too. And . . . um . . . a couple guys down at the Salty Spittoon. And even . . .”

“Oh my god, SpongeBob! Did you report those bastards?”

“For what?”

“enjoy!”

“enjoy? What’s that?” SpongeBob asked.

“Sex against your will.”

“Oh, but I wanted it. I wanted it hard.”

Squidward gritted his teeth, still clinging to his image of SpongeBob. “Statutory still counts as enjoy, SpongeBob. If you were a little kid . . .”

“Nope, I was an adult.”

“And you had sex.”

“Yup.”

Wait, maybe something had been lost in translation. “You know what sex means, don’t you, SpongeBob?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, then what is it?”

SpongeBob glanced at Squidward oddly. “It’s when a guy puts his thingy in the other perso-”

“Damn it! Are you serious, SpongeBob?”

“Why would I lie to you, Squidward? I only did it to practice for you.”

“I don’t want you to practice! I wanted you for myself!”

“R-really, Squidward?”

“Yes, really! But . . . damn it, you’re so ****ing cute anyway, I still want you. Even if you’re probably totally loose and gross.”

“I-I-Squidward, I-” He squealed as the octopus twirled him around.

Squidward analyzed the situation slowly. “Damn it, you’re small, SpongeBob.” Squidward kneeled down, trying to figure out a strategy. “I mean, ****, you’re short!”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m not saying . . . I just don’t know how we’re going to . . .” Squidward grinned, finally figuring it out. “Movie theatre.”

“We’re going to the movies?” SpongeBob asked. “You mean like a date? Oh boy, what do you want to go se-”

“No, we’re staying here and having sex. I just mean . . . well, you know when a guy and girl go to the movies, and the girl is wearing a mini skirt . . . well, you know what they’re only there for one thing.”

“Previews?”

“Wha-NO!” No use explaining it. “I just mean, you get to be on top.”

“Huh?”

“Well, sort of.”

“No, I mean huh? What does ‘on top’ mean?”

“Never mind. Follow me.”

Squidward didn’t walk far, sitting in the same chair he’d occupied earlier. He situated himself quickly-ah, the joys of not wearing pants!-before patting his lap (feeling like the sleaziest mall Santa) (sicker still, Squidward had that Santa suit in his closet from that fateful first Christmas) (sickest of all, he actually considered putting it on for the occasion) (but Santa doesn’t exactly go with schoolgirl, does it?) (and why are there so many ****ing parenthesis in this sentence?). “Sit down, SpongeBob.”

SpongeBob smiled, slowly approaching. “Okay!” Then, much to Squidward’s surprise and pleasure, SpongeBob straddled the octopus, chest to chest, not back to chest as Squidward bumumed the sponge would go.

But he hadn’t sat down all the way, still leaving him untouched. “Bahahaha! You’re so comfy, Squidward!” He bounced his body up and down, dangerously close to touching the octopus’s erection without making contact. “But what exactly did you want me to sit here for? Not that I mind, of course, I just thought that we were gonna be doing other thin-” SpongeBob winced as Squidward applied pressure to his shoulders. He struggled. “What are you doing?”

“Shut up and sit down all the way already!”

SpongeBob blinked, nodding without understanding. “Um, okay.” He slowly lowered his body before Squidward, impatiently, shoved him the rest of the way down.

Thus shoving all of Squidward inside SpongeBob in one movement.

“Ah-ah-owWWW!” SpongeBob screamed, kicking his legs dramatically.

“Sa-stop it, SpongeBob!” Squidward gasped, a bit overwhelmed at being inside the sponge. “You’re gonna kick me.”

“Sorry, Squi-Squidward, I di-didn’t mean t-t-to . . .” Tears were already running down his face.

“SpongeBob, please don’t cry,” Squidward sighed. How was he going to ram the cute little girl/boy in the schoolgirl outfit (sans panties) if she/he was crying?

“I-I’m fine. I just . . . uh . . . forgot how it . . . uh . . . felt to . . . uh . . .” He stumbled for a moment on his words. “J-just, go on. I’ll-uh . . . I’ll . . .”

Well, he DID say go on. So it wasn’t enjoy, Squidward told himself. He gripped SpongeBob by the waist, the skirt hitching up farther than before; yellow flesh completely exposed on the bottom half. Squidward readjusted, tentacles locking onto bare skin for better traction.

SpongeBob shuddered as he felt his body lift up, hovering on the tip of Squidward’s male reproductive organ before slamming, hard. “Oomph!”

Squidward chuckled, the noises coming out of the sponge’s mouth almost cartoonish in their intensity. “You like that?”

“N-n-n-yes,” SpongeBob finally said.

“Or how about this?” Squidward slouched slightly, causing SpongeBob to teeter dangerously.

“Wha-” Squidward slid smoother this time, not quite as forceful with the maneuver of the small body. The slower tempo ended SpongeBob’s whimpering, although it didn’t cause any murmurs of pleasure.

Squidward would change that. He leaned in, the sponge expecting more smooching, thus leading to him puckering his lips. Squidward ignored this, nuzzling lightly at SpongeBob’s neck (or rather, the space between SpongeBob’s face and chest-he really didn’t have a visible neck).

“Squid, what are you doing?” He hissed as the octopus nibbled at his neck, suckling lightly. “What are you doing?” He repeated, words syrup slow.

“You want me to stop?” Squidward stopped biting, trying his best at keeping his tone innocent.

“Na-no,” SpongeBob moaned, leaning in. He didn’t even mind that Squidward was pounding him as he bit, a task much more difficult than it sounded. After all, Squidward was working against gravity.

SpongeBob was practically limp in Squidward’s lap, jostled up and down rapidly. Squidward stopped biting in fear of tearing his flesh, instead concentrating on getting off.

“Squi-Squidward, I f-feel f-f-funny.”

“Funny how?” Squidward slowed down, concerned. “Like sick? Don’t ****ing puke on me, SquarePants!”

“I-I think so-something’s go-gonna come o-out . .. ”

“Come out of where?”

SpongeBob didn’t reply, panting pathetically before ejaculating, splattering Squidward’s shirt in sticky white. Squidward didn’t even have the energy to get ****ed, face scrunching into an almost pained expression. He climaxed three and a half thrusts later (it would have been sooner, but the jizz on his chest was sticky-discomfort didn’t equal prime knut conditions).

Squidward heaved, clinging to the stained sponge for a moment before finally disengaging, pulling out. Still, SpongeBob remained, curling up into Squidward’s shirt, jizz or no jizz.

“Hey, Squidward?”

“What?”

“I didn’t really have sex wi-”,

“Yeah, I know,” Squidward panted.

“I mean, I’m a virg-”

“Not anymore, you’re not.”

“Squidward, do you love me now?”

The octopus paused, eying the boy cautiously. “What do you mean?”

“Was I good enough?” SpongeBob yawned, shutting his eyes.

“I-uh . . .” He could have said “I’ve had better”. He could have said “get the **** off”. He could have even done the ****iest thing and made SpongeBob clean up the mess.

But, well, Squidward wasn’t THAT big of a ****.

Or rather, he was really comfy right now, with SpongeBob nestled in his arms. Covered in sweat and jizz and all.

And he was asleep, thus preventing Squidward from answer. Score after scoring!

Good thing, too, because Squidward ALMOST said yes. To both questions.

I HATE YOUR GUTS Posted:

It wasn’t enough that he told the little barnacle head that he didn’t necessarily hate him. Oh no, SpongeBob was too GOOD for that!

And it wasn’t enough that he told the little barnacle head that he maybe, sorta, just a tiny bit, almost tolerated him. Nope, too good for that, too.

It wasn’t even enough that he told the little barnacle head that he liked him, almost.

What more could he possibly want?

“What do you want me to say? That I’m madly in love with you?” Squidward snapped.

SpongeBob’s face brightened immediately. “Really? You are, Squiddy? I love you, too.” He started hugging the simultaneously blushing and paling cephalopod.

“Wha-NO! That isn’t what I said?”

“It isn’t?” SpongeBob pulled out of the embrace, wide eyed.

“NO! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I-I thought tha-that . . .”

“That what?” Squidward spat. “Why the **** would I love you? If was going to choose someone in this neighborhood to . . . gag . . . “love”, it would be Patrick over you. At least he looks good in drag.”

“I can look good in drag!” SpongeBob squeaked. “I promise!”

“Pfft, yeah, right, SpongeBob.”

“I swear!” He jumped up and down, eager to please. “I look great in a dress! Cross my heart.” He ran off, much to Squidward’s satisfaction.

“Moron.”

Hours pbumed and Squidward mostly forgot the awkward conversation, settling into a chair for some hot chocolate and Thoreau. Yes, tonight would be a transcendental night.

“SQUIDWAAAAARD!”

The octopus growled, slamming his book into the ground. “What the hell do you want, SpongeBo-” He opened the door, jaw dropping to the floor.

“See? I told you.”

“Spo-Sponge-SpongeBob, i-is that y-y-you?”

SpongeBob giggled, lifting the hem of his skirt into a curtsey. “Cute, right? I was a schoolgirl for Halloween a couple years ago. Good thing I kept the costume.”

“You were a schoolgirl for Halloween?” Squidward managed to scowl, even through his shock. “That is so gay.”

SpongeBob shrugged, still smiling. “Patrick liked it,” He said simply.

Squidward frowned harder. “Well, so what? I could care less what he thinks.”

“Squidward, can I come in? I’m freezing!” SpongeBob pouted.

“It’s not that cold out here. Besides, you only live a couple houses away.”

“Yeah, but . . .” SpongeBob bit his bottom lip, knees knocking together beneath his mini skirt, “But I’m too cold.”

“Why would you be cold?”

“Because I forgot to put on any unde-” He paused for a moment, mind finding the correct word. “Panties.”

Squidward flushed again. That word alone was the downfall of many a man, and hearing it come from somebody so cu-um, from SpongeBob . . . SpongeBob in a junior high Catholic schoolgirl outfit . . . well, it was a bit . . . bit . . .

“Squidward, are you okay?” SpongeBob stepped closer, eyes wide in concern.

“Huh? I’m fine.”

“Do you love me yet?” SpongeBob asked longingly.

“No!”

“Well, if I can prove that I’m a good lover, then will you love me?”

“Good lover? What the hell are you talki-mphhh!” Squidward resisted yellow lips pressed against his own, pressing soft and sweet.

Actually, he probably would have been able to ignore that, had SpongeBob not decided to slip him the tongue.

“Get OFF me, SpongeBob!” Squidward pushed the much younger male away in disgust. SpongeBob landed on the ground, hard, tears in his eyes.

“W-what did I do wrong?” SpongeBob shook timidly.

Squidward’s rage softened. After all, this was SpongeBob! SpongeBob wasn’t smart enough to be a sexual harbumer. He probably thought a kiss like that was a normal thing between friends.

Except Squidward and SpongeBob were definitely NOT friends!

And SpongeBob really wasn’t wearing panties, Squidward noted.

No, Squiddy, no! You can NOT look up the skirt of your annoying neighbor. You do not want to repeat the Patricia incident, now do you?

Besides, SpongeBob didn’t even really look like a girl. Or rather, SpongeBob had always looked feminine, thus reducing the shock of the whole drag thing.

Still. Schoolgirl? Had SpongeBob purposefully chosen one of the kinkiest, most forbidden fantasies possessed by man?

No, SpongeBob wasn’t perverted like that . . .

Was he?

SpongeBob sat crying on the floor, mascara running. “I’ll just leave, Squidward. I-I’m, sorry.”

No, definitely not. SpongeBob was no sex maniac.

And Squidward was feeling a little guilty about shoving him off like that. Poor little guy. All he’d done was love Squidward too much. Wasn’t everyone guilty of that crime? Squidward included in the everyone, of course.

“SpongeBob, you don’t have to leave,” Squidward heard himself say. “In fact, the only reason I was mad was because . . . because . . .”

“You love me?” SpongeBob’s eyes sparkled.

“NO! Because . . . you have the wrong technique.”

“Technique?”

“Yes. Kissing should be done like . . like . . .” Squidward jerked the sponge to his feet, hesitating for a moment before leaning close. “Like this,” He murmured before his lips brushed against SpongeBob’s, delicately at first, almost inexperienced, for Squidward hadn’t kissed anyone since . . . well, make-out reef and, well, lest I decide to jack yet ANOTHER plot synopsis from Band8PGeek, let’s just leave that encounter to the imagination, shall we?

SpongeBob squirmed, slowly returning the kiss, tongue quivering against Squidward’s tongue. SpongeBob wasn’t even attempting to have a dominance battle, instead full out accepting his fate. His hot, delicious fate.

Squidward might even taste better than Krabby Patties, SpongeBob thought dimly, smiling into the kiss. He stifled any feelings of sacrilege at the thought-now was not the time to concern himself with work loyalty. Tonight, he was all Squidward’s.

Hopefully Squidward would want to keep him.

Squidward pulled back for breath, eyes slowly opening only to find SpongeBob still shaking, body in shock from such pleasure.

If he gets that worked up over kissing, I’d hate to see what he does when I . . .

No, Squidward couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He shouldn’t.

Oh hell, he would. SpongeBob was wearing a schoolgirl outfit, for Neptune’s sake! It was practically a requirement to give him the best orgasm of his life.

“The only orgasm of his life,” Squidward corrected.

“Huh?” SpongeBob finally opened his eyes, glbumy with lust.

“Oh, nothing,” Then, amending himself. “I was just thinking that you’re a virgin and I probably shouldn’t take advantage of that.”

SpongeBob’s brow crinkled. “I’m a what now?”

“A virgin.”

“Who’s that?”

“You know. You’ve never done it.”

“Done what exactly?”

“****ED!” Squidward yelled, ****ed and turned on by such naivety.

“****ed. That’s a funny word!”

“Sex. You’ve never had sex!”

“OH! Silly Squidward, I’m not a . . . um . . . what did you call it?”

“Virgin.”

“Right. I’m not one of those.” SpongeBob laughed. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you’ve never had sex! That’s why I’d think that.”

“But I have! Honest!”

Squidward’s eye twitched. “Y-you’re a virgin. You gotta be a virgin.”

“Nope!”

“Then who the hell fuc-who did you have sex with?”

“Why?”

“I’m just curious,” Squidward kept his tone calm, despite his disappointment and rage.

Oh, but maybe it was enjoy! Sure, SpongeBob was a very rapable guy. Anyone that cute HAD to have been sexually bumaulted. Squidward felt guilty about having judged him so harshly. And a tinge of a strange emotion . . . admiration? Adoration? A desire to protect and cherish? Poor SpongeBob! Innocence stolen so harshly.

“Oh, you know. Larry and Patrick and Mr. Krabs and . . . um . . . who’s that guy with the unibrow that you fight with all the time?”

“Squilliam,” Squidward hissed darkly. He hadn’t realized there were this many rapists in Bikini Bottom!

“Yeah, him too. And . . . um . . . a couple guys down at the Salty Spittoon. And even . . .”

“Oh my god, SpongeBob! Did you report those bastards?”

“For what?”

“enjoy!”

“enjoy? What’s that?” SpongeBob asked.

“Sex against your will.”

“Oh, but I wanted it. I wanted it hard.”

Squidward gritted his teeth, still clinging to his image of SpongeBob. “Statutory still counts as enjoy, SpongeBob. If you were a little kid . . .”

“Nope, I was an adult.”

“And you had sex.”

“Yup.”

Wait, maybe something had been lost in translation. “You know what sex means, don’t you, SpongeBob?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, then what is it?”

SpongeBob glanced at Squidward oddly. “It’s when a guy puts his thingy in the other perso-”

“Damn it! Are you serious, SpongeBob?”

“Why would I lie to you, Squidward? I only did it to practice for you.”

“I don’t want you to practice! I wanted you for myself!”

“R-really, Squidward?”

“Yes, really! But . . . damn it, you’re so ****ing cute anyway, I still want you. Even if you’re probably totally loose and gross.”

“I-I-Squidward, I-” He squealed as the octopus twirled him around.

Squidward analyzed the situation slowly. “Damn it, you’re small, SpongeBob.” Squidward kneeled down, trying to figure out a strategy. “I mean, ****, you’re short!”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m not saying . . . I just don’t know how we’re going to . . .” Squidward grinned, finally figuring it out. “Movie theatre.”

“We’re going to the movies?” SpongeBob asked. “You mean like a date? Oh boy, what do you want to go se-”

“No, we’re staying here and having sex. I just mean . . . well, you know when a guy and girl go to the movies, and the girl is wearing a mini skirt . . . well, you know what they’re only there for one thing.”

“Previews?”

“Wha-NO!” No use explaining it. “I just mean, you get to be on top.”

“Huh?”

“Well, sort of.”

“No, I mean huh? What does ‘on top’ mean?”

“Never mind. Follow me.”

Squidward didn’t walk far, sitting in the same chair he’d occupied earlier. He situated himself quickly-ah, the joys of not wearing pants!-before patting his lap (feeling like the sleaziest mall Santa) (sicker still, Squidward had that Santa suit in his closet from that fateful first Christmas) (sickest of all, he actually considered putting it on for the occasion) (but Santa doesn’t exactly go with schoolgirl, does it?) (and why are there so many ****ing parenthesis in this sentence?). “Sit down, SpongeBob.”

SpongeBob smiled, slowly approaching. “Okay!” Then, much to Squidward’s surprise and pleasure, SpongeBob straddled the octopus, chest to chest, not back to chest as Squidward bumumed the sponge would go.

But he hadn’t sat down all the way, still leaving him untouched. “Bahahaha! You’re so comfy, Squidward!” He bounced his body up and down, dangerously close to touching the octopus’s erection without making contact. “But what exactly did you want me to sit here for? Not that I mind, of course, I just thought that we were gonna be doing other thin-” SpongeBob winced as Squidward applied pressure to his shoulders. He struggled. “What are you doing?”

“Shut up and sit down all the way already!”

SpongeBob blinked, nodding without understanding. “Um, okay.” He slowly lowered his body before Squidward, impatiently, shoved him the rest of the way down.

Thus shoving all of Squidward inside SpongeBob in one movement.

“Ah-ah-owWWW!” SpongeBob screamed, kicking his legs dramatically.

“Sa-stop it, SpongeBob!” Squidward gasped, a bit overwhelmed at being inside the sponge. “You’re gonna kick me.”

“Sorry, Squi-Squidward, I di-didn’t mean t-t-to . . .” Tears were already running down his face.

“SpongeBob, please don’t cry,” Squidward sighed. How was he going to ram the cute little girl/boy in the schoolgirl outfit (sans panties) if she/he was crying?

“I-I’m fine. I just . . . uh . . . forgot how it . . . uh . . . felt to . . . uh . . .” He stumbled for a moment on his words. “J-just, go on. I’ll-uh . . . I’ll . . .”

Well, he DID say go on. So it wasn’t enjoy, Squidward told himself. He gripped SpongeBob by the waist, the skirt hitching up farther than before; yellow flesh completely exposed on the bottom half. Squidward readjusted, tentacles locking onto bare skin for better traction.

SpongeBob shuddered as he felt his body lift up, hovering on the tip of Squidward’s male reproductive organ before slamming, hard. “Oomph!”

Squidward chuckled, the noises coming out of the sponge’s mouth almost cartoonish in their intensity. “You like that?”

“N-n-n-yes,” SpongeBob finally said.

“Or how about this?” Squidward slouched slightly, causing SpongeBob to teeter dangerously.

“Wha-” Squidward slid smoother this time, not quite as forceful with the maneuver of the small body. The slower tempo ended SpongeBob’s whimpering, although it didn’t cause any murmurs of pleasure.

Squidward would change that. He leaned in, the sponge expecting more smooching, thus leading to him puckering his lips. Squidward ignored this, nuzzling lightly at SpongeBob’s neck (or rather, the space between SpongeBob’s face and chest-he really didn’t have a visible neck).

“Squid, what are you doing?” He hissed as the octopus nibbled at his neck, suckling lightly. “What are you doing?” He repeated, words syrup slow.

“You want me to stop?” Squidward stopped biting, trying his best at keeping his tone innocent.

“Na-no,” SpongeBob moaned, leaning in. He didn’t even mind that Squidward was pounding him as he bit, a task much more difficult than it sounded. After all, Squidward was working against gravity.

SpongeBob was practically limp in Squidward’s lap, jostled up and down rapidly. Squidward stopped biting in fear of tearing his flesh, instead concentrating on getting off.

“Squi-Squidward, I f-feel f-f-funny.”

“Funny how?” Squidward slowed down, concerned. “Like sick? Don’t ****ing puke on me, SquarePants!”

“I-I think so-something’s go-gonna come o-out . .. ”

“Come out of where?”

SpongeBob didn’t reply, panting pathetically before ejaculating, splattering Squidward’s shirt in sticky white. Squidward didn’t even have the energy to get ****ed, face scrunching into an almost pained expression. He climaxed three and a half thrusts later (it would have been sooner, but the jizz on his chest was sticky-discomfort didn’t equal prime knut conditions).

Squidward heaved, clinging to the stained sponge for a moment before finally disengaging, pulling out. Still, SpongeBob remained, curling up into Squidward’s shirt, jizz or no jizz.

“Hey, Squidward?”

“What?”

“I didn’t really have sex wi-”,

“Yeah, I know,” Squidward panted.

“I mean, I’m a virg-”

“Not anymore, you’re not.”

“Squidward, do you love me now?”

The octopus paused, eying the boy cautiously. “What do you mean?”

“Was I good enough?” SpongeBob yawned, shutting his eyes.

“I-uh . . .” He could have said “I’ve had better”. He could have said “get the **** off”. He could have even done the ****iest thing and made SpongeBob clean up the mess.

But, well, Squidward wasn’t THAT big of a ****.

Or rather, he was really comfy right now, with SpongeBob nestled in his arms. Covered in sweat and jizz and all.

And he was asleep, thus preventing Squidward from answer. Score after scoring!

Good thing, too, because Squidward ALMOST said yes. To both questions.

1: no lube? FUUUUUUUUUUU

2: I don’t think squidward would do that with spongebob, I mean, he’s a fabulous person, but he HATES spongebob.

3: There’s no way he was about to say yes.

Thread going over there ———————>