I am leaving my old life behind forever at least 6 years on Monday. I will be leaving you all for at least 2 months, and that alone causes a lot of heartache.. That’s not what this is about though.

There’s been this girl in my life since the summer before freshman year. She was my best friend’s twin sister (they didn’t look alike though, that woulda been weird!) and at first we hated each other. Her brother and I used to toss pebbles at her when we would walk to school even, but I still hung out with her at lunch because I didn’t know anyone else and my friend got held back so he was still in middle school for another year. A couple years pbumed, and a few months into junior year we started to talk. We would lay out on her front lawn and talk for hours while staring at the clouds, and then the stars. Up till that point, I was a quiet kid that never talked about anything or let go of anything. I handled my problems the wrong way, and even though I always smiled it was always faked. Well she made me feel happy, and she got me to open up for the first time ever. I know I am exaggerating this a bit, but I really do not know if I would still be around if it wasn’t for her influence. A few months of that pbumed, and eventually I asked her out. I was 16, and it was my first time ever asking a girl out. I never had the balls before that. She said no, and man I was crushed. I didn’t give up though, we kept talking every night, wasting all our minutes talking on the phone when we couldn’t spend the evening together. One (awesome) day, we went to the movies with her brothers. We paid for the first movie, and sat next to each other. We watched it, and it sucked, but we held hands and I nearly had a heart attack. We went into another movie right after without paying for it.. Halfway through she kissed me on the cheek and I think I did have a heart attack. We left for lunch after, and came back to see another movie. A little bit into the movie, we started kissing. I never saw any of the movie after that. We snuck into another movie, and I honestly didn’t watch ANY of it. We were slobbering all over each other the whole time. I asked her out again a few days later, and she said yes! I was never so constantly happy as all those weeks of walking to school holding her hand. A few months pbum, and I start sneaking into her room at night. After a few weeks we start doing ‘dirty’ stuff. Man since then I started using her for her body. We lost our virginities to each other after a bit, and that just made things worse. It stopped being a relationship and just me doing things with her every possible chance. I should feel great and accomplished for getting so much game at every corner, but I felt terrible every time she was gone. But I never stopped. Eventually things ended, and I was so devastated that I couldn’t care about anything anymore. I snapped back to reality after a few months, but by then I had already wasted a year of my life right out of high school. Nothing went right, and I just didn’t care. But eventually, she was there. Not in the way I wanted, but always there. Even after a year and a half of using her and abusing her (I never hit her, but I can only imagine the emotional abuse that came from being such an bum to her) she still heard me out no matter what my problem was, and I would of course help her with every single problem she had. To sum up the last year, she has been my best friend, even though we would not talk to each other for months at a time. If she had a male reproductive organ boyfriend, I would talk her through in and let her know that she was better than that. I told myself my feelings were gone, but they weren’t. Every time I had a moment alone with her, I could feel everything coming back. I knew I wouldn’t ever have a chance at being with her again, but I always imagined. Yeah, I guess I sound pretty lame, but whatever. I’ve had other girlfriends, I’ve had sex with other girls. Some were way better in bed, but no one ever had as much of everything as she did. This is a lot longer than I thought it would be but let me wrap it up.

I have been spending time with her the last week. Just her and me, hanging out doing nothing. Going downtown, going to stores, going to the river, walking around, taking her out to lunch and dinner and stuff. And it has been the best time I’ve had in years. I spent my last day alone with her today. At the end of it, we came to my house. We were laying in my bed, not saying anything, just laying there as the sky grew darker outside. And I can admit, I cried. She did too, so that made it worse. I realized, for the first time, that no matter what we say, something is ending. We may still talk sometimes, but this is it. Her train home was about to come, so it had to end.. Way too soon for me, but what could I do. I grabbed one of my favorite sweaters for her and we headed out to the station.. We had to run so she wouldn’t miss it, but really I enjoyed that short trip to the train. I apologized for everything.. At the station, we said our goodbyes and I kissed her. Her train left, with her on it, and I walked home.. Longest walk ever, by far. Now I am home, thinking of my one regret in life. Wishing I had been better. I don’t care if we still broke up, I just hate myself for how I was, and hate myself for leaving. And that’s it.

K well that’s pretty long and ****ty and I wouldn’t even read it and I love reading everyone’s posts and **** but whatever. Consider this emo rp or something. I don’t expect any one to care and really if anyone does I would just be embarrbumed but at least taking shots makes it easier Log in to see images!

Also I love you guys and even though I will still be around for a few more days I gotta say that I hope you all are still here when I get back because life would be empty without you all Log in to see images!

Haha I just previewed this and I saw that I wrote stuff that I don’t even remember writing, guess I am just enjoying thinking of the past. Maybe this ****ty story will make some ‘emo kid’ feel like they have a chance or something because really.. kids, there will always be a girl for you out there that you don’t have to pay for

tl;dr

“A sort of dulness settled down upon Dexter. For the first time in his life he felt like getting very drunk. He knew that he was laughing loudly at something Devlin had said, but he did not know what it was or why it was funny. When, in a few minutes, Devlin went he lay down on his lounge and looked out the window at the New York sky-line into which the sun was sinking in dull lovely shades of pink and gold.

He had thought that having nothing else to lose he was invulnerable at last—but he knew that he had just lost something more, as surely as if he had married Judy Jones and seen her fade away before his eyes.

The dream was gone. Something had been taken from him. In a sort of panic he pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes and tried to bring up a picture of the waters lapping on Sherry Island and the moonlit veranda, and gingham on the golf-links and the dry sun and the gold color of her neck’s soft down. And her mouth damp to his kisses and her eyes plaintive with melancholy and her freshness like new fine linen in the morning. Why, these things were no longer in the world! They had existed and they existed no longer.

For the first time in years the tears were streaming down his face. But they were for himself now. He did not care about mouth and eyes and moving hands. He wanted to care, and he could not care. For he had gone away and he could never go back any more. The gates were closed, the sun was gone down, and there was no beauty but the gray beauty of steel that withstands all time. Even the grief he could have borne was left behind in the country of illusion, of youth, of the richness of life, where his winter dreams had flourished.

‘Long ago,’ he said, ‘long ago, there was something in me, but now that thing is gone. Now that thing is gone, that thing is gone. I cannot cry. I cannot care. That thing will come back no more.’”

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Adapt Posted:

”A sort of dulness settled down upon Dexter. For the first time in his life he felt like getting very drunk. He knew that he was laughing loudly at something Devlin had said, but he did not know what it was or why it was funny. When, in a few minutes, Devlin went he lay down on his lounge and looked out the window at the New York sky-line into which the sun was sinking in dull lovely shades of pink and gold.

He had thought that having nothing else to lose he was invulnerable at last—but he knew that he had just lost something more, as surely as if he had married Judy Jones and seen her fade away before his eyes.

The dream was gone. Something had been taken from him. In a sort of panic he pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes and tried to bring up a picture of the waters lapping on Sherry Island and the moonlit veranda, and gingham on the golf-links and the dry sun and the gold color of her neck’s soft down. And her mouth damp to his kisses and her eyes plaintive with melancholy and her freshness like new fine linen in the morning. Why, these things were no longer in the world! They had existed and they existed no longer.

For the first time in years the tears were streaming down his face. But they were for himself now. He did not care about mouth and eyes and moving hands. He wanted to care, and he could not care. For he had gone away and he could never go back any more. The gates were closed, the sun was gone down, and there was no beauty but the gray beauty of steel that withstands all time. Even the grief he could have borne was left behind in the country of illusion, of youth, of the richness of life, where his winter dreams had flourished.

‘Long ago,’ he said, ‘long ago, there was something in me, but now that thing is gone. Now that thing is gone, that thing is gone. I cannot cry. I cannot care. That thing will come back no more.’”

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

tl;dr

Aww ilu guys all of you. I guess its really not that bad or anything and I’ll get over it.. Its just like the only part of the last 6 years of my life that is worth remembering is gone now. But life goes on, new experiences are ahead or something lame like that.

And Adapt, wow that was a pretty nice excerpt. Kinda off topic but every time I see Bender I kinda think of you having that avatar and for a while after the muppet thing I thought you were gone because I was used to it and it sucked but then I noticed your current avatar and how cool it was then I looked and the name and I realized you were here the whole time and it was all better

Im really gonna miss u.. this place is changing.. people come and leave Log in to see images!

shadowlolz Posted:

Im really gonna miss u.. this place is changing.. people come and leave Log in to see images!

I’m gonna miss you too. Remember that time when you said something I said something back? Even if you don’t, I do. Hope you are still around in a while, I would love to see you here in the future Log in to see images!

Farewell Pugs Log in to see images!

It’s p sad that you loving everyone pays off like this.

I sung you a song.

Bad quality? Check.

Bad song? Check.

Horrible singing? Check.

http://www.mediafire.com/?gnnzt4m3qqj

Come back soon Log in to see images!