Someone I met at a party a while back; she was only there because her best friend was the sister of the guy whose party it was. I was there because the guy and his siblings are my cousins.

She was just naturally awesome, and was a superlatively good dancer.

I considered having a smoke with her, but all she had was rollies (**** hard to roll in the cold) and I wasn’t game to bum a tailor off the other smokers.

I was hanging out with my friend one time and we met MacGyver. Alright, well, we met The Most Awesome Man. We were both a little bit high, driving his mom’s car through some neighborhood to pick up a couple of girls. All of a sudden the horn in the car alarm starts going off while we’re driving. We have no idea what the hell is going on, so we pull over and try everything to get it to stop. No luck. So we get out of the car and my friend accidentally locks the keys in.

So there we are, locked out of an expensive car with the alarm going off, in a nice neighborhood. I should add that we look like typical teenage hoodlums, and we’re high. So we start to panic a bit. Then we see HIM.

He walks up to us and asks what’s going on. We fumble through an explanation. He says “well we better get this sorted out before any authorities show up” and ****ing winked at us. He then (and to this day I have no idea where he was hiding it) magically produced a slim-jim and popped the lock on the door in one try. Without even pausing, he opened the fuse box, immediately selected the correct fuse out of like sixty, and disabled the alarm. He then replaced the blown fuse with, I can only imagine, one he was carrying on him in the same magical compartment that housed the slim-jim.

My friend and I were kind of astonished. He handed my friend the keys, TIPPED HIS HAT, and continued walking in the same direction.

My English teacher back in high school. His name was Mr. Lamb and he was the coolest mother****ing teacher ever. He wasn’t slack or anything; we did lots of work. He just made every bumignment interesting. He told stories at the end of every clbum, let us out a bit early, that sort of thing. He also helped me and my team out for debating; he said he used to debate competitively in various places.

I found out a few years later that he’d been fired for being a heroin addict.

One day a few years back when i was one the bus home from school, i swung outside the bus’s 2nd door to let these people get out and the driver closes the door alright, with me ****ing half outside with the doors clamped on my arm.

This old guy, like ****ing 70 or something sees me as it starts to take off, runs to the door and pulls it open as i ****ing fall over and climb back onto the bus.

I never got a chance to thank that guy but god damn if he wasnt a ****ing legend.

This guy that lives like 2 blocks from me, he had just moved recently to this house that is practically the bus stop for me, it had one floor and a garage, pretty normal.

Then as days go by I always see him doing construction, on a ladder making mix and ****, carrying pieces of wood, bricks and all that stuff and I always saw him alone.

Well it turns out this **** made a second story to his house, another room for a misc store for his wife (including the electrical installation), expanded the sidewalk and then painted the house.

I stopped leaning on the wall of his house while waiting for the bus out of sheer respect.

One word: Mike.

I used to do some volunteer work with a paleontology museum and every year we had a trip out to Utah/Montana to collect new specimens. The second year I went Mike came. Here’s the short list of his awesomeness:

-Lives in an airport hangar

-With a fully grown pet alligator (which he feeds chickens)

-Is a badbum Vietnam Vet (not the creepy kind, the Rambo kind)

-Once wrestled an anaconda in the jungle

-Hijacked a military issue construction vehicle for fun while in said jungle

-Currently Indiana Jones of the paleontology world

-Is also training to become a forensic biologist

All of this is verifiable data. Coolest **** ever.

my friend Jonathan Kapelekanaka.

He would randomly wear suits to school just to clbum up the joint, once borrowed a female biology teachers jacket and wore it because he said it looked like Napoleon’s coronation jacket.

He also carried a small burlap pouch full of $1 gold coins and paid for things in them.

he was basically the ****ing man.

A male nurse when I was in hospital. I was 17 and had bad tonsilitis. A female nurse came up to him and talked down to him. When she walked away he said “**** I hate when those idiots tell me **** i’ve already done” I lol’d. Then he asked me if i’ve got a job then said I should party till i’m 23 and do a nursing course cause it’s “easy as”

I went to an Art Institute (I say “an” and not “the” because they are a chain of schools that exist all over the US and Canada) and in my final quarter we had to take a Professional Development clbum. The **** who taught the clbum was this British guy in his mid 30’s with a ton of life experience that just spent most of the time shooting the **** with us. He was a hard bum when it came to bumignments and would be ruthless if he didn’t like someone, but he seemed to genuinely want every single person in the clbum to succeed. He was the type of person that would ridicule you if you were talking while he was talking and then give you a pep talk in front of everyone and build you up if you were nervous giving a presentation. I don’t think I’ve ever respected a teacher as much as that guy. He also had a full time job outside of teaching for part of it (when I started the clbum he had been laid off recently) and would show up in expensive suits (the clbum was at like 6 PM) and be all badbum.

Some of the best people i’ve ever met have been nurses. **** pay for the job they have to do. Don’t envy the work they have to do with old people.

I used to have to go into hospital for operations regually as a kid. As a 16 year old I went in and went to a kids ward (Kids>old dying people). There was this guy and this woman who were “play coordinators” and they’re my joint candidates basically their job was to make sick kids lives slightly more bearable. They’d totally go out their way bringing in their own games from home for the Playstation and Nintento, bringing in movies, organising visits from minor celebs (kiss from Michelle Ryan **** year!) One time they took a bunch of the more able kids on a trip to Camden market and bought as all lunch, ****ing legends. Oh and they let me have a beer too.

I accidentally left my wallet on the table at a Jack-In-the-Box (fast food chain if you didn’t know), and when I came back a few hours later, no one had turned it in. This was probably because it was a wallet made of playing cards (Google it if you’re curious), and whoever cleaned the table probably thought it was trash. Anyways, this guy came out and he just said to look through the trash. I decided to do it since I had at least $40 in the wallet. I didn’t expect him to help, but he actually did, even pouring the trash out into another bag and sifting through it, almost as if he was looking for his own wallet. We never found it, but I really appreciated how he helped me nontheless.

tl;dr Jack in the Box employee helped me look through the trash for my wallet

I love people lioke that. I used to know a taxi driver like this, most of you will know taxi drivers often like to spout **** about various topics despite not actually knowing anything about it, but there was a guy that worked for a taxi company i’d use reguarlly who had quit his job as a well paid businessman for a less stressful job as a driver. The guy was a ****ing legend, this well spoken English guy who drove a Mercedes and used to play clbumical music, and knew so much random crap, whichever topic was brought up he had a educated opnion on it.

It’s also happened to a lesser extent with other tradesmen i’ve met for example a builder who knew everything about bumerflies and a Plumber who had a ridiculous knowledge of clbumic cars.

Holy **** I just met my very own “Mattress Guy” about a week ago.

I’m running late to catch a morning flight. In short, I know I’ve missed my flight before I even leave the house. I stumble into the bag check line with two giant boxes (bicycles) and two suitcases on a cart. I look like hell. Immediately this dude greets me and asks what’s up. I explain my situation and he promptly takes me to the side and puts me in a “special service” line, behind a rope, with 2 people in it. “If you want to get out of here before 5 pm, talk to Scott,” this guy said. “The other lady’s a **** and won’t overbook flights. Scott will know what to do.” I nod and pray I get this Scott guy. Luckily, I barely evade getting the gross woman with the perma-sneer and instead get a friendly dude in khaki shorts: Scott.

Scott asks about my missed flight and rattles off a few options. He says I can pay $200 for a confirmed seat if I want, but that there are plenty of openings and it would be a waste of money. Then I point to the oversized luggage on the cart off to the side. “No problem,” says Scott. I pay for them. “Anything else?” I sigh and say I need to declare a firearm in one of my suitcases. He smiles and gives me the paperwork, all while I wear this look of guilt. I ****ed up. It was my fault I missed my flight, I have this complicated luggage, and yet this dude is helping me with no hesitation, as if I’m some VIP. Right as I’m about to thank him, he starts chattering away at his keyboard. He asks for my ticket back, throws it away, and hands me a new one. “I fooled the computer and got you confirmed on the 10:45 flight.” No charge? “No charge.” I could have cried. He did it all as if it was nothing special. You could tell he gave the same level of service to everyone in his line. He seriously turned my whole day around.

tl;dr Awesome airport dude hooked me up

PS – Fly Southwest, ****es.

Back in grade school, for a year (7th grade, I think) I had this bus driver… a white guy in his 60s, grey hair, usually wore a trucker cap. Before I’d had bus drivers who would drive fast, but this guy ****ing floored it even on sidestreets and ****. We never even came close to coming in an accident, though— he was a damn good driver, he just drove REALLY fast. Needless to say, we had a lot of fun going down the highway at a solid 80 MPH.

Also, he was the only bus driver to ever stand up to these two unruly black kids who would always sit in the back of the bus and cause trouble. This one time he hauled one of them who was being particularly loud out of the bus, left him in the principal’s office, and drove off without him. The kid never did anything but sit there quietly after that.

I went to a car audio place, to get a fuse replaced.

I walk up to the counter, and this chill lookin guy in his 20’s asks what’s up. I tell him my radio doesnt work and I need a new fuse. We walk out to my car and he pulls out one of the storage drawers. A condom and some eye drops fall out.

He says to me “You gotta stop smoking that weed bro, and smiles with a wink”. I laughed and he went back into the shop for a bit. When he returned, he changed out the fuse and told me I was good to go. No charge.

I shook the mans hand, smiled and drove off.

I was about half a mile away, when there was a problem. I did a u-turn and rode back into the shop, walked up to the counter and told him there was a problem. When we got back to the car, I handed him a little over a gram of weed I had on me, and told him I hadn’t thanked him properly for hookin me up. He took it with a fat smile

Good times man

My Grandmother had Alzheimer’s for a long time, but that wouldn’t stop the old girl from volunteering to work at her local St. Vincent de Paul charity centre. She loved that place with all her heart. Of course, on her breaks she loved to go shop at the Lincraft across the road. Lincraft, for those who don’t know, is pretty much an arts and crafts store where they sell wool, fabrics, shoelaces, tablecloths, etc. It was a pretty busy intersection through the week and there were no marked pedestrian crossings for a few hundred metres or so.

Still, it seemed that whenever I visited her on those weekends, she would always have a new wool or a new pillow slips laying around, offering me again and again if I wanted anything. I liked to keep her busy, so I would leave a list of things I wanted knitted, with lots of colours and graphics. Whether they were scarves, jumpers, beanies, whatever, I always made sure she was kept busy.

Eventually, grandma started to get worse and it was only a short time after I got my license that my parents started asking me to pick her up from her volunteer job and take her back to her place (Granddad would drop her off in the morning, but enjoyed his retirement a little too much to pay close attention to the time)

One time when I picked her up, Grandma appeared to have zoned out a bit, and didn’t recognize when I walked in the door. She just turned around and went back to her tidying. I walk up to her and say, “Nan, it’s time to go.”

“Oh, but wait, I can’t go anywhere unless Jacob helps me across the street.”

“No grandma, it’s David. Come along now.”

It wasn’t two weeks later when she had to be taken to a nursing home because she had become too much of a strain on Granddad, oftentimes forgetting who he was and ringing whatever number was dialled last in her phone and telling them that “that man is back in my house again!”

I went to visit her in the nursing home and I noticed that she had managed to get her hands on a pair of knitting needles and had just finished another scarf, a really nice one actually, it surprised me how good it was. She didn’t recognize me when she turned around and just went straight back to knitting. “Who’s that for Gran?” I asked.

“Oh, this thing? It’s for Jacob. Can you make sure he gets it?”

She finished it that afternoon while I sat in her room reading a book I had packed. When she gave it to me I said, “I’ll make sure he gets it.”

I wore it out to Granddad’s when I went to visit him the next day because he had rang me. He found a bag full of different wools in Lincraft bags which still had the receipts in them. He gave them to me, telling me that if I returned them I could keep whatever it cost her, and that she had all she needed at the nursing home already.

It was a cold day and as I pulled up at Lincraft, I was still wearing the scarf nan had knitted in the home. I walked into the Lincraft store and could only see a boy playing on a computer, not much older than I was. I walked up to him and handed the bag over the counter. “Can I return these?” I asked.

He said “sure,” and then continued, “and nice scarf by the way.” I smiled and nodded, and looked down at his name tag so that I could thank him properly.

Jacob.

I took a helicopter flight lesson from a guy I met at an airshow. He was the ****.

The helicopter was fantastic, it cost 280 an hour just for fuel, but he did instruction for free, and let you fly as long as you paid the cost for fuel. Not including the flight time he probably talked to me and my dad for 4 or 5 hours. Most places would charge 30-50 an hour for ground school. He did it for free, because he loved helicopters and he loved to teach.

We talked about everything, 2/3rds of it was devoted to helicopters. He knew every single thing about helicopters: what to do when your helicopter is hijacked, the price of the main rotor, how autorotations work, pretty much everything there was to know about helicopters, this guy knew it.

He even had lunch with us, in his own private room, in a burger king. That’s right, he had a private room inside a burger king because his old office building got torn down in order to make a burger king but they didn’t want him to leave. When we had lunch I found out that he knew everything. He told us where the phrase son of a gun comes from, how betting on horse races works, which vehicles were controlled by the right seat and why. Basically obscure **** that wikipedia doesn’t have that is still interesting.

He said if we weren’t completely satisfied we wouldn’t have to pay a cent. If anyone actually would’ve pulled that cheap **** I would’ve slapped them across the face even if it were ****ing Hellen Keller.

pic related: its his office

A few years back I went to the fair with a friend’s family. I had been feeling really crummy and was miserable for a long time. it was my normal mood. I hid it well though. Near the end of the day we sat down in the stands to watch something, I forget what, and there was this huge black woman sitting a few seats down. They had us all get up and hold hands to pray. I really could care less about it but the woman moved down a few seats and took my hand. They did the stupid little prayer thing and I just stood there with my eyes open not interested in participating in the charade that is public prayer. She then opened her eyes, leaned over to me, and gave me a big bear hug. She whispered “Its alright, everything is ok” into my ear. She left me alone after that. I gave a forced smile to her and left as the event ended.

I told the people I was with, who asked me about it later, that I had no idea wtf she was doing. They believed it well enough. What she did grew on me and after a while things didn’t feel so miserable anymore. It made me feel like some burden was lifted. Its nearly been a decade since that happened and I still think of what she did for me all those years ago. Her simple act of kindness and compbumion restored my faith in humanity and inspired me. I still think of her to this day, nearly a decade later, and wish I could thank her for what she did for me. Sometimes, when I do rarely pray, I think of her and say thanks that I was able to meet such generous person.

I once went to the hospital when my brother broke his leg ( i went with my mum, i must of been about 9 ).

Anyway, we were sitting right outside the door on a bench ( waiting for dad to pick us up ), then all of a sudden this man woddles past, one leg seemed to just ignore his body and he seemed to ignore everyone, admittedly i was ****ing terrified.

Now, to make my terror worse, he stopped right in front of me, stared and me for about 3 seconds then just said “You have the nose to play a guitar”

I ****ing **** you not, he said those exact words then just walked off, never to see him again. Few years later i learned that there’s a part there for mentally weird people, forgive me for not knowing the real name of it.

I dunno if i’d say he impressed me, but it made me learn guitar ( although i don’t play anymore, I want to play cello now ;_; )