unstoppablechan’s parents used to be pro-life

“I can’t believe we’re touring together,” Steve Albini said, tuning his guitar.

“I know, it just seems so… right.” J Mascis said.

“I really like what you’re doing recently,” Albini said, “fighting the loudness wars and all.”

“Yes, the loudness wars are important.”

There was silence broken only by the muffled din of the crowd gathering outside. Worldlessly J walked toward steve, and grabbed his scruffy chin with one hand. He pulled him close and their lips met. A mingling of old man breath – coffee, and cigarettes, and cheap road food, and halitosis. Their tongues clashed, brushing roughly against one another.

“Oh yeah, J, yeah,” Steve said.

J reached down towards Steve’s dockers, and grabbed at the rock-hard lump that was forming.

“J,” Steve said, “You’re living all over me.”

G, YOU KNIT?

that was pretty good nana…but i think ill wait a bit longe r. tho i doubt anyone can be funnier?? try it

A woman calls her husband into the bedroom. Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!

Good..

Now I also want you to take off my Bra.

Good…

Now can you take off my panties.

Very Good! Now, don’t let me catch you wearing them again!

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

so it could **** YOU WITH A RAKE.

____________________________________

Log in to see images! Snap017 edited this message on 07/03/2009 7:26PM

What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?

How do you start a black parade?

5 days left nana is winning so far

This forum has a character count, so this is all you get.

There’s this civil engineer who has a dream of a super-interstate-highway running from Los Angeles to Washington DC. After years of lobbying, he finally is awarded a contract to construct a perfectly-flat, perfectly-straight 16-lanes-each-direction highway from Los Angeles to Washington. So he employs all the best surveyors, to make sure the highway is a perfect straight-line from LA to DC and to make sure it stays perfectly flat. He subcontracts with only the best construction crews and uses only the best materials. He decides the existing tunnel-diggers and mountain removers just aren’t up to the job, so he has bigger ones built, ones that can remove a half-mile swath of the Rockies in a week. They start in LA, and a few months later, they’re overlooking the greater Washington metropolis.

Just one more hill to remove before they start work on the terminus and the merging into DC’s outer belts. It’s a small hill, really, but it’s got to go. So they call in one of the smaller mountain-removers to remove it, and just as the machine’s getting ready to erase the hill, a snake pops up out of the hill and screams “Wait!”

Obviously, this catches everyone by surprise, so they wait. The snake continues, “My name’s Nate. Nate the Snake. You can’t destroy this hill! You mustn’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because there’s a lever buried under this hill, and it’s attached to a doomsday device. If the lever is tripped, it’ll blow up the entire Earth!”

The engineer consults with his team. “What do you think?” “It’s a talking snake.” “Yeah, but do we believe him? Do we go around the hill, or do we plow it over?” “Do we believe him!? It’s a talking snake! Who’d believe us?” In the end, they decide to err on the side of caution and build the highway around the hill. So, when they’re finished, they’ve got a highway running from LA to DC that’s perfectly-flat and perfectly-straight, except for this minor detour around a hill.

So they’ve got the ribbon-cutting ceremony, and as a perq for designing and building the highway, the engineer gets to be the very first person to use it. So he hops into his Lambourghini in LA at dawn and floors the pedal. 30, 40, 50mph. Shifts into 2d gear. 70, 90, 110mph. He keeps accelerating until the car just can’s go any faster.

Shortly before sunset, he’s approaching DC, and he remembers the hill. So he slows down to around 225mph to negotiate the slight turn. And he sees Nate crossing the road! He can’t squish a talking snake! Especially one that kept them from blowing up the Earth. So he swerves to avoid hitting Nate, and plows into the hill at over 200mph. He trips the lever, and the Earth blows up.

The moral of the story…

Better Nate than lever.