Yep, a full walkthrough of Episode 1. Told you I’d been grinding.

Suggestions to improve are welcome.

Soon, I’ll be combining this, the FAQ, and the “Upgrade points and Flezz rewards” into one Uber thread. Again, suggestions on how to do this in the most useful manner are welcome.

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Start the game as a Re-Re

Game Event: Shallow Espophagus added to contacts but offline

Game Event: Received the Mission: Tutorial

Game Event: SpendFriend added to bookmarks

Game Event: Tubmail added to bookmarks

Game Event: Sentrillion added to bookmarks

Player Action: Complete Mission: Tutorial

Game Event: Bruce Bear Cinematic

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Tutorial

Game Event: Denture Chat added to bookmarks

Game Event: Drugs “R” Fun added to bookmarks

Game Event: Received the Mission: **** off the Old Farts!

Game Event: Bruce Bear’s Fix-All added to bookmarks

Game Event: Received tubmail from JolieNet DSL

Player Option: Read Tubmail

Player Action: Buy at least one Happidex 20mg.

Player Action: Pwn Denture Chat. (strategy tip: As the attacks against won’t do more than 1 point of damage, wait until you’re down to 1 Ego to take the Happidex in order to maximize its effectiveness.)

As a result, you will level up, and receive a cinematic which allows you to choose your Character Clbum. If you want to play as a Re-Re (hard mode), close your browswer window/tab now and come back to the game. You will be able to change to a clbum at any point if you change your mind; see the FAQ for details on how.

Game Event: Completed the Mission: **** off the Old Farts!

Game Event: Gamble-Bot 3000 added to contacts

Game Event: Shallow Esophagus sent you 25 FLezz

If you chose a character clbum other than Re-Re:

Game Event: Received tubmail from <organization for your clbum>

Player Action: Read the tubmail. The tubmail has attachments, take them.

Game Event: New bookmarks: Stores for your clbum

Game Event: Character’s E-Peen has been lengthened with E-Peen for organization

Player Action: Spend upgrade points. Certainly, take the Free Starter Pack for your clbum. You’ll also want at least one of the new attacks available to you. Everything else is optional depending on how you want to build your character; see the Game Discussion forum and the wiki for advice.

Player Action: sTalk with Shallow Esophagus

Game Event: Futanari-Mo added to contacts

Game Event: Anonymous added to contacts

Game Event: Received the Mission: Quest for the OS!

Game Event: von Neumann’s added to bookmarks

Game Event: Received tubmail from Grave Re-Digger

Player Action: Read Grave Re-Digger’s tubmail. Take the attachment.

Game Event: The Ppwn Shoppe! added to bookmarks

Game Event: CutiePie12xo added to contacts.

Player Decision: You may now sell junk (such as the Human Skull Grave Re-Digger sent you) in the Ppwne Shoppe for Flezz. You’ll receive additional junk on each day following a day you pwn threads. You probably want to sell all your junk every day as you acgreat timesulate it.

Player Decision: There are three paths you can choose from now, in any order. You can even switch between paths in the middle of one, if you like.

Futanari-moe’s Pervy Pic Project

sTalk with Futanari-moe, gaining the “Futanari-moe’s Pervy Pic Project” mission. The reward is 250 Flezz, and in the middle of it, you will have an opportunity to get the Asimov OS at a reduced Flezz expense.

Player Action: sTalk w/Futanari-Mo

Game Event: Yuriko-chan added to contacts

Game Event: Received tubmail from The Motherland

Game Event: Received the Mission: Futanari-moe’s Pervy Pic Project

Player Optional Action: Read the tubmail from The Motherland. If you do so:

Game Event: AllOfWarz.ru added to bookmarks

Player Decision: You can buy an illegal copy of the Asimov OS from AllOfWarz.ru at a reduced rate. How delivering this version to Shallow affects gameplay is unrevealed at this time.

Player Action: sTalk Yuriko-chan

Game Event: Mission Updated: Futanari-moe’s Pervy Pic Project. Yuriko-Chan blocked on sTalk.

Player Action: sTalk CutiePie12xo. He will shut down the conversation, so…

Player Action: sTalk CutiePie12xo again. While it’s endleslly entertaining to mess with him, here we provide for you the correct answers which won’t make you restart:

“Damn, girl, let’s get to know each other a little better.”

“Why is your name cutiepie12xo if you’re 14?”

“Age be damned! If there’s grbum on the lawn, mow, mow, mow!”

“You’re as beautiful as Rita Hayworth in her prime.”

“My male reproductive organ’s got more HORSEpower than a Model-T Ford!”

“My John Thomas is harder than a bowl of old-time penny candy, and just as sweet.”

“A hearty round of sodomy, using a lambskin johnny — none of that newfangled plastic junk.”

“I have a collection of erotic woodcuts that truly get my pistons firing.”

“Sorry, I’m an old-fashioned type. I believe in courtship first.”

Game Event: Received tubmail from CutiePie12xo

Player Action: Read tubmial. Take the attachment.

Player Action: sTalk Futanari-Moe

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Futanari-moe’s Pervy Pic Project

Game Event: Futanari-moe sent you 250 Flezz

Anonymous vs. Onymous

sTalk to Anonymous.

Player Action: sTalk Anonymous

Game Event: Dr. Jojo’s Plastic Surgery Stronghold added to bookmarks.

Game Event: Received the Mission: Anonymous vs. Onymous

Player Action: pwn Dr. Jojo’s. Bring in ego-recovering drugs. As a result, you should level up.

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Anonymous vs. Onymous!

Game Event: Anonymous sent you 200 Flezz.

You can sTalk to Anonymous one more time, but after that he goes offline for the rest of the game.

Quest for the OS!

Quest for the OS! must be satisfied to proceed with the game . If you haven’t done the optional “Futanari-moe’s Pervy Pic Project”, and haven’t sTalked to Anonymous or completed his mission (see below), you won’t have enough Flezz to satisfy this mission at this time. There are other ways to get Flezz but they take at least a day. Note the operating system occasionally shows up in the Ppwn Shoppe at a discounted rate (82 instead of 93).

Player Action: buy a Genuine Asimov OS from either the AllOfWarz.ru or the Ppwn Shoppe if available (if you don’t have one from the “Futanari-moe’s Pervy Pic Project” mission).

Player Action: sTalk Shallow

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Quest for the OS!

Game Event: Received tubmail from Shallow Esophagus (Secret Code)

Player Action: Read the tubmail

Game Event: XSS code automatically downloaded

Player Action: At this point, you have no missions, and you’ve done all you can, except for deploying the XSS code. Start doing so (the forum you choose to do it on is irrelevant). You must deploy XSS three times for the story to continue.

WHEN YOU DEPLOY YOUR FIRST XSS CODE

Game Event: Received tubmail from Shallow Esophagus (Meet Krystl)

Player Action: Read the tubmail

Game Event: Krystl_crackr1969 added to contacts.

Player Action: sTalk Krystl_crackr1969

Game Event: Received the Mission: Pwned in Sixty-Nine Seconds

Game Event: Rice, Rice, Baby added to bookmarks.

WHEN YOU DEPLOY YOUR 2ND XSS CODE:

Game Event: Doctor O wants to add you on sTalk

Player Choice: Doctor O is a completely optional discussion. You could gain a unique, one-use item if you do talk to him, and he does reveal some story background, but you do not need to talk to him to finish the game. If you choose to talk with him, see the OPTIONALS section below.

Player Action: Pwn Rice, Rice Baby

Game Action: Krystl_Crackr1969 sent you 250 Flezz

Game Action: THE_**** wants to add you on sTalk.

Game Action: Completed the Mission: Pwned in Sixty-Nine Seconds

Player Choice: Optional path: sTalk THE_****. See below for details.

WHEN YOU DEPLOY YOUR 3RD XSS CODE:

Game Event: Bruce Bear added to contacts.

Game Event: haxlrose wants to add you on sTalk.

Player Choice: haxlrose allows you to reset your Upgrade points. Use him at your discretion, but do so wisely, as the cost increases drastically with each use.

Player Action: sTalk Bruce Bear

Game Event: Konservative Kristian Koalition added to bookmarks.

Game Event: Received the Mission: Kristians on a Krutch

Player Action: pwn KKK

Game Event: Cinematic: introducing Ravit

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Kristians on a Krutch

Game Event: Bruce Bear sent you 350 Flezz

Game Event: Ravit “Blacksnake” Nordstrom III added to contacts.

Player Action: stalk Ravit

You have now completed the three things necessary to procede with the game. Note that Ravit said he’ll get back to you in one day. If you’ve bought illegal enhancements, you won’t have to wait the day, but if you haven’t bought them, you will have to wait until tomorrow to hear back from him. If you still have forum visits, you may still use them.

Next day:

Game Event: Receive E-Peen for Flaming Black Operative

Game Event: Received tubmail from Flaming Black Ops.

Player Action: Read tubmail (FBO welgreat timess j00!!!)

Game Event: FBO Attack automatically downloaded

Game Event: Received the Mission: Flaming Black Initiation

Game Event: That’s a Lot of Feces! added to bookmarks.

AFTER DEPLOYING YOUR 1ST FBO CODE:

Game Event: Cinematic: Shallow wants to talk to you again. When you do is up to you. His mission can be done before, after, or during Ravit’s.

Game Event: Fr4gGingR1teZ wants to add you on sTalk.

Player Decision: the Fr4gGingR1teZ path is completely optional. You’ll get a decent item if you follow it, but you aren’t required to. If you choose to, a walkthrough is below

NOTE: At this point, you are no longer required to deploy code of any sort. Certain game events will occur only when you have deployed code 8 times, and again at 10 times, however, and these events are walked through below. These are optional events! You can complete Episode 1 having deployed only 3 XSS and 1 FBO codes.

You now have a multi-threaded option of how to proceed. I present this in one order, but the order you choose to do them in does not seem relevant; it must all be done to continue with the game.

Shallow Path: HACK THE FLACKS

Player Action: sTalk Shallow. It’s unknown if the answer to his “What can you tell me about this other person?” question impacts gameplay. In any case, you’re going to have to play his trust game to proceed with the game. You can do it right away, or stock up on consumables, spending most of your flezz, and then try (so as not to give him too much).

Game Action: South Carolina Marine Fisheries Forum added to bookmarks.

Game Action: Received the Mission: Hack the Flacks

Player Action: pwn South Carolina Marine Fisheries Forum

Game Event: Received tubmail from Plum Computers.

Game Event: Shallow Esophagus sent you 500 flezz (also refunds the money you gave him for the trust exercise)

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Hack the Flacks

Player Option: Read the tumbail from Plum Computers (One Additional ThingTM.)

Game Event: Plum Computers added to bookmarks. Here you can buy better computers.

Ravit Path: THE BIGGEST LOSERS

Player Action: pwn That’s a Lot of Feces! Bring lots of ego restorers. Deploy FBO 3 times.

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Flaming Black Initiation

Game Event: Ravit “Blacksnake” Nordstrom III sent you 300 Flezz. “talk 2 me when u get a chance kthx”

Player Action: sTalk Ravit

Game Event: R.P.Genius added to bookmarks.

Game Event: The Furry Farm added to bookmarks.

Game Event: Received the Mission: The Biggest Losers

It doesn’t seem to matter in which order you pwn R.P.Genius and The Furry Farm.

Player Action: pwn Furry Farm

Player Action: pwn R.P.Genius

Game Event: Completed the Mission: The Biggest Losers

Game Event: Ravit “Blacksnake” Nordstrom III sent you 2,000 flezz

AFTER COMPLETING BOTH HACK THE FLACKS AND THE BIGGEST LOSERS:

Player Action: sTalk Ravit

Game Event: Received tubmail from Ravit “Blacksnake” Nordstrom III.

Player Action: Read the tubmail (!POP Sekret!). Note the pbumword ‘splodeydope’

Game Event: Coral Springs Nuclear Generating Station added to bookmarks.

Game Event: Received the Mission: Teh Nucular Opshun

Player Action: pwn Coral Springs.

Game Event: Cinematic: <watch it to see. No point spoiling here!>

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Teh Nucular Opshun

Game Event: Episode 1 ends.

Flamebate Event: Access to ‘The Endgame’ Forum o

OPTIONALS

OPTIONAL PATH: DOCTOR O

Player Option: sTalk Doctor O

If you take either option which doesn’t rat out Shallow, you get nothing.

If you rat out Shallow:

Game Event: Received tubmail from Doctor O.

Player Action: Read the tubmail (Just what the Doctor O-rdered!). It has an attachment. Take it. It’s a one-shot item, Digital Vasectomy 3.1, which gives you Defense +10 for 3 turns.

OPTIONAL PATH: Fr4gGingR1teZ

Game Event: wants to add you on sTalk.

Player Decision: the Fr4gGingR1teZ path is completely optional. You’ll get a decent item if you follow it, but you aren’t required to. If you choose to:

Player Action: sTalk Fr4gGingR1teZ

Game Event: Received the Mission: Shot in the male reproductive organ, and You’re Too Lame

Game Event: Trapped in the Cupboard added to bookmarks.

Player Action: Play Trapped in the Cupboard. There’s a walkthrough on the wiki.

Player Action: sTalk Fr4gGingR1teZ

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Shot in the male reproductive organ, and You’re Too Lame

Game Event: Friend request received from Fr4gGingR1teZ

Player Decision: You don’t have to accept the friend request, but this is the way to get the special item. So, if you choose to:

Game Event: Received tubmail from Fr4gGingR1teZ.

Player Action: read the tubmail (My reward to you… for being a friend! Log in to see images!). Take the attachment (Fr4gGingR1teZ 2020 male reproductive organblasterTM Premier XtreemTM Edition (Max Ego +20))

OPTIONAL PATH: THE_****

Player Action: sTalk THE_****

Player Decision: After you’ve accepted his request to pwn Fitness fabulous personry, you’re given an option of asking more about steroids. If you take it, you’ll get a tubmail from him (HEY ****male reproductive organ) with a Homemade ‘Roids Sampler Pack (Ego +20, Douchebaggery+25, For 4 turns Offense+5) You can buy more of these, once per day, for 150 Flezz, as long as you have at most 1 other pack on you.

Game Event: Received the Mission: ‘Roid Rage Against the Machine!

Game Event: Fitness fabulous personry added to bookmarks.

Player Action: pwn Fitness fabulous personry

Game Event: Completed the Mission: ‘Roid Rage Against the Machine!

Game Event: THE_**** sent you 300

Game Event: Received tubmail from THE_****.

Player Option: Read the tubmail (THE_**** has sent you a TubSonicTM message!)

WHEN YOU DEPLOY YOUR 8TH CODE (OF ANY TYPE)

Game Event: DrrtyCop74 added to contacts.

At this point, all contacts are disabled except the cop.

Player Action: sTalk DrrtyCop74

You have no choice but to pay her, if you want your contacts back. When you have enough money:

Player Action: sTalk DrrytCop74. Pay her.

Your contacts will be restored.

WHEN YOU DEPLOY YOUR 10TH CODE (OF ANY TYPE)

Game Event: Received tubmail from Krystl_Crackr1969.

Player Action: Read the tubmail (Hell hath no fury… )

Game Event: Opheliamammary glandsupp added to contacts.

Player Action: sTalk Opheliamammary glandsupp

Game Event: Woe Is Us added to bookmarks.

Game Event: Headbanger’s Hellhole…of Death added to bookmarks.

Game Event: Received the Mission: Become An Hero

In addition, you receive the Martyrdom Ability.

You must now enter these two forum, bumume the identities Ophelia gave you, and kill yourself. The forum order doesn’t matter.

Player Action: Enter Woe Is Us as AnGuitarHero and kill yourself.

Game Event: Cinematic

Player Action: Enter Headbanger’s Hellhole…of Death as sir-cry-a-lot and kill yourself.

Game Event: Cinematic

Game Event: Completed the Mission: Become An Hero

Game Event: Opheliamammary glandsupp sent you 250 Flezz

Game Event: Received tubmail from Opheliamammary glandsupp.

Game Event: Received tubmail from RockStarGrrl69.

Player Action: Read Ophelia’s tubmail(my poesy): Auto-downloads “Ophelia’s Bad Poetry” ability.

Player Option: Read RockStarGrrl69’s tubmail

Epic indeed. Good work indeed. I’m so dumbfounded by the pwnage in this thread, all I can do is play parrot.

If you stick to SE and choose to just ‘not reveal the source’ you don’ get anything special, as far as I can remember. You do get to listen about how he’s a gov-man, and how you have no idea of what the bleep you’re deploying. (kind of a lead-up to the trust exercise)

d000dl3s Posted:

Good thread, however I never got Fr4gGingR1teZ 2020 male reproductive organblasterTM Premier XtreemTM Edition when I accepted him as a friend. Log in to see images!

Did you read his tubmail?

It’s possible you deleted it?

If you have Fr4gGingR1teZ as a friend, and don’t have a tubmail from him nor the item, report it as bug.