FAIL Posted:

THIS CONTEST IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WITH 0 BPs.

ಠ_ಠ

WTF IS THIS ****?

We had made plans for a nice night out. Nothing fancy but dinner at a place that didn’t need reservations then a movie we both wanted to see. She got here early. The hair around her face was wet and hung in little wet whisps that clung to her face. “I’m not feeling so good. I think it was lunch. I haven’t been feeling good since then.”

“Are you okay?”

“Let’s just say I don’t know if dinner is the greatest idea. Maybe we can get pizza or something and just watch a movie here.”

She raised her hand to her lips and her eyes bulged a little.

“Maybe just a movie.”

She then made a beeline for the bathroom.

The door slammed behind her and the water started running.

After a few minutes I was concerned.

“Hey,” I knocked softly. “Are you all right in there?”

Her voice sounded strained. “Um..I’m fine. Do you still have that Imodium in the medicine cabinet?”

“Uh huh.”

“Good. Why don’t you start watching something without me. I may be a while.”

I was concerned and a little bit ****ed off that my evening had been shot to hell. More concerned really but I couldn’t do anything. I sighed and turned on the t.v

After about 15 or 20 minutes my concern overrode anything I was doing.

I tapped on the bathroom door again.

“I’m fine.” her voice sounded strained but okay.

More T.V.

Finally I heard the door open and close and I turned to look at her.

“Feeling bett…” My words died in my throat.

There she was.

Hair pinned back.

A smile on her lips and her eyes seeming to glint with mischief.

Blue.

Two shades of blue.

And two round orange circles.

naked.

“Mudkip.” she chirped.

I have 0BP, but I can’t think of anything good to post

...meh, I’ll try these:

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There’s a lot more where that came from..

Here are a few real life stories:

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Run! No, Run Away!

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(July 16, 2008, Italy) Ivece Plattner, 68, was queued at a traffic light in his Porsche Cayenne sportscar. Before one reaches the light, there is a railroad crossing. As you might imagine, given Murphy’s law, a train was coming.

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The man did not let the queue progress forward far enough before he crossed the railroad. The safety bars came down, leaving the Porsche trapped on the rails. It took the driver awhile to realize he was stuck, according to witnesses. Finally, he jumped from the car and started to run — toward the oncoming train, waving his arms in an attempt to save his car!

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The attempt was successful. The car received less damage than its owner. He was pushed hard enough to land 30 meters away, and attempts to revive him were unsuccessful.

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The moral of the story? Momentum always wins.

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The Balloon Priest

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(20 April 2008, Atlantic Ocean, Brazil) In 1982 Lawn Chair Larry, beloved survivor of a Darwin-worthy attempt, attached 45 helium weather balloons to his comfortable Sears lawn chair, packed a picnic and a , and cut the tether. But instead of drifting lazily above the Los Angeles landscape, the combined lift of 45 huge helium balloons rocketed Larry into LAX air traffic lanes 16,000 feet above sea level. Astoundingly, he survived the “flight.”

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In homage to Larry’s aerial adventure, a Catholic priest recently ascended towards heaven on a host of helium party balloons. Adelir Antonio de Carli, 41, was attempting to set the world record for clustered balloon flight to publicize his plan to build a spiritual rest stop for truckers.

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Sitting for more than 19 hours in a lawn chair is not a trivial matter, even in the comfort of your own backyard. The priest took numerous safety precautions, including wearing a survival suit, selecting a buoyant chair, and packing a satellite phone and a GPS. However, the late Adelir Antonio made a fatal mistake.

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He did not know how to use the GPS.

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The winds changed, as winds do, and he was blown inexorably toward open sea. He could have parachuted to safety while over land, but chose not to. When the voyager was perilously lost at sea, he prudently phoned for help. But rescuers were unable to reach him since he could not use his GPS! HE struggled with the control panel as the charge on the satellite phone dwindled.

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Instead of a GPS, the priest let God be his guide, and God guided him straight to heaven. Bits of balloons began appearing on mountains and beaches. Ultimately the priest’s body surfaced, confirming that he, like Elvis, had left the building.

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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a

Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that

it was the best laugh he’d had in years.

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An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the pbumengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days

FAIL Posted:

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Fail

Giving back to the community that birthed him.

It’s damn touching, really.

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By the way, did they ever find the OLPC you snatched from that kids book bag?

I was talking to a friend’s little girl, and she said she wanted to be Vice President some day. Both of her parents were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were to be the Vice President of the United States of America, what is the first thing you would do?’

She replied, “What is it exactly a vice-president does?”

And I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart.”

shamelessly stolen

Okay, here’s a racist joke:

What type of bread do ghettojews bake?

Holla! bread.

FAIL Posted:

WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT ENTERING THIS ****

I KNOW THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE WITHOUT 7 BPS

maybe the thread should’ve had a catchier title dude.

i will keep this thing bumped now and then anyway

COME ON PEOPLE JUST DO SOMETHING FUNNY IT’S NOT THAT ****ING HARD.

IT’S NOT LIKE YOU CAN’T JUST FIND SOMETHING ON YOUTUBE OR SOMETHING, JESUS.

oh well less people joining the cool kids in Ep 2 then huh? Log in to see images!

I guess 10 INTERNET DOLLARS is not worth 2 seconds of work to some people…