Robert James Fischer's Flamebate Posts

Speedruns get removed from the boards in two weeks?

I just looked at the speedrun leaderboard for Cosplay Central, and I noticed all my times from before 12/10 have been removed. That’s barely two weeks ago, and there is no reason to remove times that quickly: no major rebalancing has taken place since then.

I would like some explanation on this because this makes speedrunning entirely unrewarding.

my litel pony msy litrle ponie

bump

Felzz sink ideas ; Ponys!

Posting to boost GS49’s Flamebate score.

ATTN: deadfine upstanding member of societybabies

What the **** is up with your sig? I’ve never been so afraid of a woman's genitals in my entire life.Log in to see images! (view post)

Do you beat your wife?

I got a girl to kill herself over me. Does that count?

Dakota In Love

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And she’s been that way for 2 months – with Guns ‘N Roses lead singer Axl Rose

BRENTWOOD, CALIF. – JUNE 25, 2008 – It started back in April, amid all the hoopla over the sale of a painting by her sister, Elle, and it sort of got heavy, and kind of got out-of-control, and one thing led to another, and she kept it to herself, and she lived on a little pink Cupid-cloud in her own little world. In other words, she fell in love.

But like most things in 14-year-old Dakota Fanning’s life, love didn’t follow any predictable patterns – unless you count the can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, can’t-think-about-a-whole-lot-else business, which she says she can live with.

“Me and some of my friends were hanging around my house one day,” Dakota says, “and one of them said, ‘You know who you look like?’ and I said, ‘Yeah, me,’ and she said, ‘No,’ and I said, ‘If you say Elle, you’re going home,’ and she goes, ‘No, you look like that Axl Rose guy.’ This particular friend, who I’ll leave nameless, has a lot of personal issues, so I just ignored her. I didn’t even know what an Axl Rose was.”

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But the friend was convinced of the similarity between Dakota’s and Rose’s looks, so to appease the friend, Dakota got permission from her mother, Joy, to go on the Internet. The friend pulled up some photos of Rose, one of the most notorious, hell-raising bad boys in the history of rock music, and one look was all it took.

“I was at a loss for words, if you can believe that, so you know it had to be deep,” Dakota says, throwing her hair back over both shoulders. “I was shocked – not because he looks like me, which he only did a little bit when he was younger, but because he’s soooo cute! Okay, I know he’s like 30 years older than me, but so what?”

Dakota learns about Axl

As soon as all her friends went home, Dakota called her agent, Nan Slater, and said, “Tell me everything you know about Axl Rose.” Slater said, “Who?” Dakota said, “Axl Rose, the Guns ‘N Roses guy.” Slater said, “Why do you want to know about him, Dakota?” Irritated, Dakota said, “Why do you want to keep being my agent, Nan? Or am I mistaken and you’d rather handle some generic talent like Abigail Breslin?”

Slater quickly fed Dakota the following tidbits:

• Axl grew up in Indiana and came to Los Angeles in his early 20’s to become a famous rock star.

• He’s known for wearing skin-tight Spandex shorts, bandanas, leather jackets and hi-top sneakers on stage.

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• He’s now a vegetarian and has quit all of his vices, including alcohol and tobacco, and he meditates and practices yoga every day.

• He lives in a mansion in Malibu.

• He got into trouble in the 80’s over the song “One in a Million,” which included the words “fine upstanding member of societys” and “fabulous persons.”

• He was arrested more than 20 times as a youth for crimes that included public drunkenness and bumault, and authorities in Lafayette, La. wanted to have him locked up as a habitual criminal.

• He was arrested in Stockholm, Sweden in July 2006 over allegations that he bit a security guard.

“I didn’t care about the arrests and the nasty words – the part about the Spandex did it for me,” Dakota says. “I just daydreamed about him all the time. It put me in a fairly unusual state, but that was okay, because my whole family was all nutso about Elle selling a painting for almost three million dollars, so I had a little space to play with it. The infatuation, I mean.”

She began to daydream and nightdream about Axl. Every time she was in a store or at a newsstand, she’d frantically flip through rock magazines, hoping to get a glimpse of him. When visiting friends’ houses, she would get on their computers and read everything she could about the singer.

“He looks a lot different nowadays than when he looked like me, but even with his corn rows and beard, he’s still just awesome,” Dakota says. “He’s just a beautiful person who needs someone to take care of him. Someone around his age, I mean.”

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Dakota hears some Guns ‘N Roses music

Then one of her friends swiped her father’s copy of the Guns ‘N Roses album Use Your Illusion II, and Dakota fell even harder.

“The music just totally spoke to me,” she says. “I never knew music like that even existed, because my mom would never let me listen to it. That song ‘Yesterdays,’ it was like the story of my life: ‘Prayers in my pocket, and no hand in destiny, I’ll keep on movin’ along, with no time to plant my feet.’ That’s exactly how I feel, so obviously there’s a connection between us.”

Dakota says she loved every song on the CD, even Axl’s vitriolic, threatening tirade against Bob Guccione, Jr., fine upstanding member of society Wall and Andy Secher called “Get in the Ring,” but her absolute favorite song, one she just knows was written for her, was “Fourteen Years,” even though the song was released two and a half years before she was born.

“My mind was effectively blown – like it was about to implode,” she says. “It totally sounds like my life. It says, ‘Bull**** and contemplation, gossip’s their trade, if they knew half the real truth, what would they say? Well I’m past the point of concern, it’s time to play, these last four years of madness, sure put me straight.’”

She takes a breath. “You know, with the Hounddog stuff and people saying I’m a has-been and all that. It just makes sense. It’s like destiny. I wonder if he had teeth problems when he was a kid.”

Dakota says she realizes that because of their age difference and “like about twenty other factors that would be fairly important to my mom,” she and Rose, who is 46, could never be a real couple. And she did manage to forget him during the horrific ordeal with Elle last week. But on Monday, when that ordeal seemed to be fully over, she called Slater again and told her to arrange a meeting with Rose.

Dakota and Axl meet

“Nan found out that Axl was doing an appearance the next day – which was yesterday – like the song – at the Tower Records over the hill on the Boulevard, so we had no time to lose. I told her to get me there at all costs. Nan called my mom and said she wanted to take me shopping for some new music. Nan does these things for me because she really wants to keep being my agent. My mom said fine, because she and Elle were still busy working on the upstairs refuse heap, otherwise known as Elle’s new bedroom. Nan picked me up at nine-thirty, and off we went.”

Rose was standing in a corner of the store, talking with several men in suits. Dakota says she recognized him right away “in a joint full of normal people,” and she walked up to him and was about to say something, when she completely blanked.

“I was so nervous, I was about to die,” she says. “I was sweating in places I didn’t even know I had places. So I just stared at him, and he said, ‘Hi,’ and I said, ‘Hi,’ and I just kept staring, and he laughed a little and said, ‘Have we met?’ He said have we met! To me! My heart was all flip-floppy. I said, ‘No, not really,’ and he said, ‘So who are you?’ and I said, ‘I’m Dakota Fanning,’ and he looked me all over – he looked me all over – all over my body! – and he said, ‘So who’s Dakota Fanning?’ He didn’t even know who I am! Can you believe it! Isn’t that awesome?”

One of the men in suits knew who Dakota was, and introductions were made, and it turns out Axl had watched her film Dreamer numerous times and considered it one of his favorites.

“I almost died! He watched it all the time, and he didn’t even know I was in it! He told me he used to watch it all alone in his house in Malibu with all the curtains closed and the doors locked, and he was so depressed he wanted to slit his wrists with the bottom of a Jack Daniel’s bottle – whatever that is – and Dreamer made him feel happy again.”

Dakota takes a big breath and lets it out slowly. “So you see, this is how it works in life. We all help each other in our own ways. Me and Axl talked for about twenty minutes, then he had to go, and that was fine, because I was so perplexed by all these feelings I was having. Me and Nan went to Panda Express, but I was still pretty weird. I’m still weird right now. I guess I’m just weird.”

Dakota Fanning Discovers She Has A Countdown Clock

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Actress initially unsure why anyone would care when she turns 18

BRENTWOOD, CALIF. – MAY 18, 2008 – Dakota Fanning already has a lot of things most other 14-year-olds don’t, and she’s about to get another one: her own professional website. While there are numerous “fan sites” on the Internet, there’s no official Dakota presence.

Dakota and her family and web technologist extraordinaire Norman LaFey have already started mapping out the details. The Fannings hired LaFey, a graduate of Stanford University and MIT, because he is known as one of the top computer experts in North America.

“It’s going to be fun and happy and colorful and full of ideas and information – just like me,” Dakota said. “Plus we’re thinking about doing it all on WordPress to give it a unique look while saving a lot of money. You know, make it simple, because I’m really just a simple girl, at heart.”

5 . . . Joy makes a discovery!

Dakota was about to run through the plans for the website page by page, when her mother, Joy, came in from another room and said, “Honey, I think you better take a look at something.”

Dakota followed Joy into the den, where the family’s only computer was up and running. On the screen, a girly-girl-pink page bore the title “Your [sic] A Star!” and below that, a date – December 8, 2005 – and the heading “The Official Dakota Fanning Countdown Clock.” Then came a photo of 11-year-old Dakota in a You Oughta Be In Juicy T-shirt, and below that, the clock-ticker, which read “3 years, 280 days, 5 hours, 40 minutes, and 23 seconds left!”

“Left for what?” Dakota asked her mother.

“Left till you turn eighteen,” Joy said and used her mouse to move the screen around.

“So?” Dakota said. “Who cares how long till I turn eighteen?”

Joy looked behind her to make sure 10-year-old Elle wasn’t nearby and made Dakota sit down in front of the monitor. She navigated to the comments section, of which there were 98 pages.

4 . . . If NBC’s involved, it’s bad!

Comment from January of this year: “Ok looks like the pedifiles are out i only loged in to tell u folks that this is being forworded to NBC nightline in hiopes that it will be removed it is a sick site espeacilly when i am a father of two young girls u guys are sick and should be put in jail for life. hell most of you are probaly allready there i am so sick of this **** being on the net i ahve allready gotten sevarl sites off and now ill work on this one you sick bastards seek some professional help!!!!”

“Why’s he so mad because people want to know when I’m eighteen?” Dakota said.

“Because at eighteen, you can legally have sex,” Joy said.

“But I’m not going to just go out and . . .” Realization dawned. Dakota covered her mouth. “Oh, my God.”

Scanning, Joy found this from 2006: “And the worst part is: This was put on cyberspace a long time before Dakota was led to cheapen herself in that “Hounddog” movie. I can just imagine what other sites are liable to spring up now!”

“Oh, my God,” Dakota said.

“There are hundreds, maybe thousands of these maniacs,” Joy said and clicked over to page 1, which contained the countdown site’s first comments, beginning in December of 2005. “I want you to see some of this, because I want to reinforce what we’ve been telling you all along. That’s why we got Jock, and that’s why you don’t leave the property alone and why Phil and Marco – and Jock – go with us everywhere.”

Dakota silently read comments: “Ohhhhhh I wanna be in juicy, so badly. So soft and warm and blonde. It’s a party in my pants!” and

“First of all how old are you cause that is a good question did you know she got braces and at night she has to wear a hedgear if u search on www.google.com ellen show with dakota it shows her head gear anwayz I just wanted to tell ya,” and

“I do not agree with the time of your countdown. I am counting down to her 14th birthday, because that’s when I can legally sleep with that blonde vixen! LOVE YA DAKOTA!” and

“OH BOY I CAN’T WAIT!!!”

3 . . . Elle is just . . . there!

“So the whole world is–” Dakota began but was cut off by the voice of Elle, who was standing behind her and her mother.

“What are you doing?” Elle said.

“Elle Fanning, how many times have I told you not to appear right behind people like that!” Joy said.

“What’s a countdown clock?” Elle said.

“Nothing,” Joy said.

“Why don’t you guys ever tell me anything?”

Dakota said, “Why don’t you go see if Jock needs to get fed?”

“I know what it is,” Elle said. “It’s a thing to show how long till you can have sex.”

Joy spun around. “Do you want to spend the rest of the day in your room? Because I have a clock that’ll tell me exactly how long that is.”

“I spend most of my time in my room already,” Elle said.

“Well, don’t get smart. How do you know about countdown clocks?”

“Rene and Sandra on my soccer team said the Olsen Twins had one, and all kinds of guys were trying to get dates with them once they turned eighteen.”

“Elle, do I look like one of the Olsen Twins?” Dakota said. “Sorry, I don’t think so.” She turned back to the screen. “I can’t believe somebody would make a website like this. I know I’m cute and dress well and all that, but are you going to tell me that people were thinking of me in that way when I was eleven years old?”

“Men think in every way that’s humanly conceivable,” Joy said. “Age is no barrier when it comes to sickness.”

Dakota turned around, and Elle had disappeared. “God, I hate when she does that,” she said.

“We’re going to need to do a countdown clock for when Elle finally turns into ghost,” Joy said and clicked to another page of comments.

2 . . . The world is full of pervs!

They read: “What kind of perv is looking forward to when a child of only eleven is legal? People shouldn’t even be thinking such thoughts of an eleven-year-old,” and

“You guys are very sick. She is 11 years old you fricken perverts. All of you are ****ing sick bum morons. What the hell,” and

“this is the sickest website i have EVER seen – u guys are all pervs. Why the hell would u count down the day till an 11 year old child is legal???!!??? Is disgusting anyway wtf do u think shed even look at you?”

“‘Perv’ as in ‘pervert,’ I take it,” Dakota said. “Seven letters. I’m going to try to use it tonight in Scrabble to hopefully flush this sickness out of my reactive memory banks, which is where I’m sure it is by now.”

“It’s a sick and depraved world out there,” Joy said.

“So you think a lot of guys really like to look at me? I never thought that much about it.”

“You thought about it,” Joy said. “We had that talk.”

“I know, but that was right before Bees, and I got sidetracked and basically forgot about it.”

“The people who created this site are just sickos,” Joy said, “but I’m sure there are plenty of sickos out there that we don’t know about.” She faced Dakota and put her hands on her daughter’s shoulders. “Now the next time you want to have some little boyfriend to run around with, and me and your father want to meet him first and meet his family, you’ll understand, right?”

“I guess,” Dakota said. “But I was thinking – isn’t it possible a countdown clock could be good publicity? I mean it’s just one more place to get exposure, right?”

“Believe me, that’s not the kind of exposure we’re looking for.”

The phone rang. Dakota started for it, but Joy stopped her. “No, I’ll get it – it might be a perv. Hello?” She listened for about 20 seconds. “You’re sure it was Elle?” She looked out toward the kitchen. “No, obviously it was a mistake. Yes, cancel it. Thank you for calling.” She hung up and yelled, “Elle Fanning!”

“What’s going on?” Dakota said.

“Your sister just called Domino’s and ordered a pizza to be delivered in three years, two hundred and eight days, five hours, nineteen minutes, and fifty-two seconds!”

Elle appeared at the entrance to the living room. By her side was the Fannings’ German shepherd attack dog, Jock.

“Did you call for a pizza?” Joy asked Elle.

“Me and Jock did,” Elle said.

“No, Elle,” Dakota said. “Jock doesn’t use the phone. We told you that a million times.”

“Okay, I called,” Elle said. “I wanted to surprise Dakota when she turned eighteen.”

“Don’t make calls like that anymore,” Joy said. “We’ve already got enough surprises to last a lifetime.”

“Okay,” Elle said and led Jock back toward the kitchen.

“She’s getting weirder by the day, Mom,” Dakota said. “I think I need to start spending more time with her.”

“But first you need to spend time doing the interview about your website.”

“Right,” Dakota said and left the room.

1 !

When Dakota was gone, Joy pulled up Google and typed in “Elle Fanning countdown clock.” She clicked search. The results page appeared. Joy said, “Oh, my God.”

As of the time Joy spoke those words, Dakota would be 18 in three years, two hundred eighty days, four hours, fifty-two minutes, and seventeen seconds.

How much would you need to be paid...

...to eat your own poop? I think I’d need at least 100,000$ to eat it. And by eating poop I mean actually eating like a good portion of it (100g at least), not just licking your fingers after wiping the wrong way.

Serious topic, no trolling.

Cosplay Central - How are we supposed to kill it?

25s

PP: ROTM pwnable again?

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