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Recipes For Disaster

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  • Attack 200
  • Refresh: 8 turns

Info

Recipes for Disaster is an incompetence type attack. It is given to you by GooseFriedBacon after you complete her mission, Guess Who's Coming to Dinrar?.

Attack phrases

Anne Frank’s Favorite

1 extra large pizza
2 cups of honey
17 barrels of garlic bumer
7 gallons of cinnamon

1. Eat all ingredients.
Caramilk Dinner

20 Caramilk bars
1 live horse
3 tbsps roast pig

1. Skin horse (live is tastier).
2. Stuff Caramilks down horse’s throat.
3. Sprinkle roast pig on kitchen floor.
4. Roll horse, now breathless, around for a bit (dirty floor is tastier).
5. Shove roast pig-covered horse carcbum into microwave (chop off head if necessary).
6. Microwave on high for 4 minutes.
7. Stay at least three feet away from microwave while cooking.
Duck Fat n’ Spice

2 lbs. duck fat
2 bushels allspice
9 1/2 bunches parsley
7 fl ozes MSG
9 pints mustard

1. Mix all spices in a large bowl.
2. Knead duck fat into bowl gently.
3. Let sit in the sun for 4 days.
4. Serve with a ladle.
Fried Airedale Terrier Dookie

Anything is delicious when you deep fry it in goose fat. This recipe will attempt to prove that age-old maxim true!

1. Fry a fifth of Airedale Terrier dung in goose fat.
2. Sprinkle with powdered sugar.
3. Keep your dialing wand handy in case you have to call an ambulance.
4. Eat that ****. Eat it all up.
Fried Briard Chocolate Rain

Anything is delicious when you deep fry it in goose fat. This recipe will attempt to prove that age-old maxim true!

1. Fry a fifth of Briard dookie in goose fat.
2. Sprinkle with powdered sugar.
3. Keep your dialing wand handy in case you have to call an ambulance.
4. Eat that ****. Eat it all up.
Fried Whippet Bootycakes

Anything is delicious when you deep fry it in goose fat. This recipe will attempt to prove that age-old maxim true!

1. Fry a tbsp of Whippet droppings in goose fat.
2. Sprinkle with powdered sugar.
3. Keep your dialing wand handy in case you have to call an ambulance.
4. Eat that ****. Eat it all up.
Goose Fat Sundae

15 bushels delicious goose fat
ice cream, any flavor

1. Lightly heat goose fat in a pan or series of pans.
2. Pour over plus-sized bowl of ice cream.

Nutritional Analysis (per serving):
Calories 3,640
Saturated fat 455.5 g
Cholesterol 300 mg
Dietary fiber 0g
Missy Elliot Flambé

1. Invite Missy Elliot over for a free meal. It will work, trust me.
2. Set Missy Elliot on fire.
3. Bash Missy Elliot with pipe threader, as needed.
4. Wait 6 minutes (or until crispy) and wrap Missy Elliot with a blanket or coat.
5. Let cool and serve. Missy Elliot is first-clbum with sour cream!
Neptune Fanny Stew

The fanny of the neptune is a tasty and stupidly underrated delicacy, especially when deep-fried in goose fat. This stew really coaxes out its subtle and unique characteristics.

1. Take 109 tsps of neptune fanny and throw into a deep fryer filled with goose fat.
2. Fry the living **** out of those fannies.
3. Garnish with a sprig of parsley (optional) and 2 pints of bumerscotch (mandatory).
4. Allow to cool slightly and eat directly out of fryer with your bare hands.
Osedax Snatchpiece Stew

The snatchpiece of the osedax is a tasty and hecka underrated delicacy, especially when deep-fried in goose fat. This stew really coaxes out its subtle and unique characteristics.

1. Take 93 fl ozes of osedax snatchpiece and throw into a deep fryer filled with goose fat.
2. Fry the living **** out of those snatchpieces.
3. Garnish with a sprig of parsley (optional) and 4 dashes of sugar (mandatory).
4. Allow to cool slightly and eat directly out of fryer with your bare hands.
PIE!

1. WANT PIE NOW
2. WANT PIE NOW
3. WANT PIE NOW
4. WANT PIE NOW
Pizza à la Shut-in

1. Call pizza delivery service using dialing wand.
2. Order as much pizza as you can afford with your disability pay.
3. Get your home caregiver to retrieve the money from your purse. Note: Make sure your home caregiver is not Welsh!
4. Have the caregiver bring the pizza to your bed. Have them roll you in the direction of the pizza if necessary.
5. Enjoy! Now that’s “la dolce vita”!
Power Smoothie

110 pints of caramel
4 liters of iced tea
2 whole plums
2 scoops of weight-gain powder (chocolate)
handful of ice cubes

1. Throw all ingredients into a large blender.
2. Blend on highest setting until completely smooth.
3. Pour the resultant mixture down your gullet.
4. Eat blender.
Rich, Fattening Goose Fudge

14 fifths sugar (granulated!)
7 cups condensed milk (sweetened!)
1 1/3 quarts bumer (salted!)
29 dashes goose fat (rendered!)

1. Combine sugar, condensed milk, bumer and goose fat in a heavy saucepan.
2. Heat and stir until mixture is melted.
3. Pour into a 8-inch square pan (bumered, naturally).
4. Let set and eat directly from pan. Keep defibrillator handy.
Turtle Snapper Stew

The snapper of the turtle is a tasty and extensively underrated delicacy, especially when deep-fried in goose fat. This stew really coaxes out its subtle and unique characteristics.

1. Take 54 fifths of turtle snapper and throw into a deep fryer filled with goose fat.
2. Fry the living **** out of those snappers.
3. Garnish with a sprig of parsley (optional) and 4 fifths of molbumes (mandatory).
4. Allow to cool slightly and eat directly out of fryer with your bare hands.

See also


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