Okay. After going through about 85 pages of notes (!) I’ve finally made my changes. ET has to force the cache clean, but new characters will soon see a somewhat more gender-neutral version of Forumwarz.

There were some awkward turns of phrase, but overall I think we’ve actually improved the game’s humor. It really hit home just how often we resorted to male reproductive organ jokes and “no homo” — and now we’re highlighting that gold even more, while throwing in vadge jokes and “no lesbo”! Alriiight! Log in to see images!

Some notes:

• I haven’t changed the sex chats at all. Not just because people liked them and your “maleness” is a central conceit to the minigames, but because they’re housed in files I can’t access. ET has sent them to me and I’ll review later.

• Anything with embedded graphics, like cinematics or the tutorial, unfortunately can’t be changed at this point. But this was never a huge deal.

• In the courtroom minigame, you’re referred to as “he” a lot. No amount of linguistic gymnastics could’ve fixed this. However, since you’re taking on the alter ego of Tucson Lepht, it feels reasonable.

There are bound to be things we’ve missed, particularly in clbum-specific missions and Episode 3 content (which, it turns out, wasn’t entirely non-sexist after all). So if you’re playing through and find a major slip-up, feel free to report it as a “typo.” Or just TM me your findings. The E-Skinflap™ might still be up for gropes!

Which brings us to our winner. Since I haven’t been able to reach The Machine, my precious peen is going to the runner-up, HackerInstinct!

This player requested my “Quality Unbumurance” Peen, which kinda smarts because it implies I didn’t test Episode 2. Then again, ET never had it either (but BB2 does?) so maybe I never deserved it. But you, HackerInstinct, sorta do!

Enjoy your unique Peen! I’m going to get some gauze. Log in to see images!