My mother said don’t run with scissors; I did, yet I’m fine. My mother said to always wear a condom, too…

*****

“We’re getting married!” Billy said.

“What job will you do to support kids, you two are only 10!”

“Well, so far we’ve been lucky.”

*****

When you party with animals, don’t be surprised if you wake up neutered.

*****

Her bangs tickle when she gives me head, and do a great job of covering the lobotomy scar.

*****

A mug, a candle, homemade leather ties; he uses every part of every woman. Waste not, want not.