“No, momma not here no more; She wiff Jebus now,” Cheryl contorted in her wheelchair visibly upset.

I smiled, “Jesus loves both of you very much.” Cheryl’s snot-encrusted face beamed with a goofy grin. “I know because Jesus told me.” She laughed as I spoke, then quickly fell into doe-eyed awe as I so sincerely continued, “Jesus told me a lot of things about you Cheryl, because I pray to him every night.”

“Whats him say? What Jebus want me to do?” Too easy, I thought. I could feel the blood rushing to my male reproductive organ.

“Jesus wants to test you; he wants you to do some things I say so he knows you believe his words,” she nodded in anticipation, mouth agape. “If you pbum the test, you get to see Mommy in heaven… but if you fail… or you tell ANYONE EVER… well, he has to send you and your mommy down to Hell…”