I once got on a bus without using the toilet. Unfortunately there was no stops on the way there, and it was late at night and I was scared to disturb the driver. As I felt hot sticky **** cover my ringpiece it began to bake on my underwear. In my panic I extracted them from my crack. as they dripped all over the seat I stole one of the plastic rubbish bins on the side of the seat and put the dripping mess in the bag. By now the smell was getting horrible and I was scared someone would wake up and notice the carnage being ‘reeked’. By this point I was really sweaty and needed to take a ****. Grabbing the juice bottle from the woman behind me’s seat, I urinated heavily into the bottle and sealed it and returned it to her bag. Feeling only slightly better I realised there was still **** all over my socks, and pants. I needed to wipe it all up but I only had my walkman with me! I looked behind me and the woman was snoring contendedly with her sleeping child in her arms. In possibly the most disturbing thing I have ever experienced I scooped the **** up with my hand, wiped it tentatively on the back of the boys pants and retreated slowly away. I moved further up the bus where an old woman gave me some tic tacs. She said my breath smelt bad. (to this day I cannot stand the taste of tic-tacs). As the driver spoke on the intercom of our impending arrival I could hear people complaining that they could smell rancid fecal matter around the back. I had hidden the bag of crap under my shirt and planned to dispose of it as soon as possible and clean myself properly in the toilets there. Thankfully, noone noticed how I smelt because of the horrible smell coming from the back of the bus and the unaware victim of my folly. As I got off the bus and headed to the toilet I cleaned myself up with wet toilet paper and hand soap. It was a long and horrible process, and I overheard a woman dragging her young boy into the next stall saying “Clean yourself up! And you can forget about disneyland!”

I always remember to **** and **** before I get on a bus these days.