My friend ‘Sara’ is the coolest chick I know. Usually I don’t like girls, but she’s awesome. We’ve been best friends since high school and she’s always been really funny, weird and random. When we hang out she always has crazy ideas like ‘let’s go to Denny’s to steal their coffee mugs’ or ‘let’s drive around until we find a lawn ornament of a donkey and another that’s like Juan Valdez and put them together on someone else’s lawn.’ She does shows where she spins and breathes fire and she’s great at surfing. Whenever we’re together it’s a constant giggle fest. When she found out the kids in the christian youth group at our highschool got diddled by their leader, she lol’d for 5 days straight. She likes to be naked a lot and has nice mammary glands.

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My friend ‘Dave’ is old enough to be my dad, but he’s super fun and awesome. He’s like this big burly dude with lots of tattoos and he used to be a shrimp boat captain in the keys and catch lots of “square grouper”. He taught me how to scuba dive and trained me to be a scuba instructor. I trust him with my life and he’s taken me diving down to shipwrecks below 200 ft. Best thing about him is that he’s not some old perv trying to get in my pants. He’ll squeal with delight if you can find him a pair of hot pink flip flops in his size or get him some stickers of unicorns and rainbows. His favorite color is pink. Once I was really sick and he came over with some gay porno mags and we rated all the male reproductive organes in it.

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