1. Abstract: Schadenfreude

2. Introduction:

Have you ever wondered about the scientific principles that lie behind our

everyday lives? Come with me on a journey of discovery, and learn about a

rare element that is desperately sought-after by the mbumes, but hardly ever

attained:

3. Apparatus and Reagents:

1 x bong

1 x INTERNETS

< 1 tray of snacks

< 3, because everyone needs it

4. Findings:

WIN is a radioactive particle of the element winadium. Winadium has 2 decay

particles, WIN blue (OVER 9000 positrons) and WIN shiny (10,000 positrons,

and slightly shinier due to additional PWNAGE-flavoured quarks). You may not

know this, but winadium blue is a common ingredient used in the production

of denim jeans and allegorical feline-based conundrum analogies.Winadium

shiny, on the other hand, plays a critical part of the graphics-card

manufacturing process. Winadium itself is stable for 900 Internet years,

which is the rough eqivalent of about 20 seconds.

The electron-dense structure of WIN acts simultaneously as a strong

attractant to alpha-lul waves (PRO-LULZ.), and as an electrostatic repulsor

of beta-lul waves (ANTI-LULZ). Anti-lulz have been proven to cause depletion

of ego in lab rats. Subsequent testing on humans revealed an even greater

effect on the cerebral structure, destroying any traces of a sense of humour

and causing a statistically-significant increase in inter-synaptic levels of religiousitol.

The benefits of WIN irradiation for humans include: larger erections, being

able to sleep with chicks, and a tendency not to take flamebate too

seriously. However, it has been clinically proven that some humans are

immune to the effects of WIN, and will remain douchebags forever. Under

exposure to necessary levels of WIN may cause certain developing humans to

become An Hero.

The RDA of win differs from between 4000-9000 rads.

WARNING: Overuse may lead to absurdly high power-levels.

5: Conclusion:

Winadium is a powerful substance that should be handled with care. Be sure

to wear protective clothing and lab-goggles.

6: Acknowledgements

Cancer, for being one of the most-feared signs in the Zodiac

Footnotes: It is not known whether high levels of WIN suspends the laws of probability in your favour. But why take that chance?