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Snow Crash

Avatar: 70672 Fri Nov 07 09:28:28 -0500 2008
11

[And The Banned Pla-
yed On
]

Level 59 Hacker

“Cracking Addict”

Connecting to server…

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey there

You: What year are you in?

Stranger: 1919

Stranger: you?

You: Poppymale reproductive organ there weren’t computers in 1919

You: Unless my time travels have altered the course of history… oh god

Stranger: took my computer with me

You: What hell have I wrought?

Stranger: they have!!

You: Who’s president of America?

Stranger: how the hell am I supposed to know that!!!!??

Stranger: I’m not american

You: World news buddy

Stranger: ....but I guess I can google it, wait a minute

Stranger: but when it’s 1919 Log in to see images!

You: THere was no google in 1919

You: CHRIST MAN

YOU MUST FOCUS

Stranger: YES THERE WAS!!! you changed history dude!

Stranger: that includes the history of google

You: OH GOD

SO YOURE THE ONE

LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

You: I am from the future-future

You: 2122 A.D. precisely

Stranger: ok I’m listening intently!

You: We have created a computer system that works through vibration

You: Sending data streams directly through the earth’s core

Stranger: ok

You: While testing this it was fine, but once released on a mbumive market scale the vibration impact has disrupted the core of earth

You: And our planetary path has come off course

Stranger: damn that sounds serious!

You: We are hurdling through space, and by what calculations we have performed we will collide with another large bodymbum from another galaxy

You: There are also rapid changes in weather as we spin out of control from great heats to great deep freezes

Stranger: bodymbum? someone fat is floating through space too?

You: No, a planet.

Stranger: ooooooh

You: Listen.

Stranger: ok I’m listening

You: I need you to prevent this some how

You: warn the people ofthe past

Stranger: ok I’m ready for my misssion

You: It all started with a president of america

Stranger: *hums the indiana jones tune*

You: who wanted change and decided to fund some crazy internet research

You: You must kill this president

You: His name is Obama

Stranger: WHAT PRESIDENT???

You: This sounds crazy because he’s black and nigerian but somehow he runs america

You: It’s crazy I know

Stranger: but…. I’m back in 1919 now!

You: Well get back to 2008

You: And lure him out of his home in Chicago

You: with a trail of KFC

You: he like the drumsticks and breasts only

Stranger: isn’t he the 2009-2016 president’

You: Every 10 peices leave a bottle of Franks RedHot Cayanne Pepper Sauce

Stranger: ok I can do that

You: WE NEED TO STOP HIM FROM BECOMING PRESIDENT

ARENT YOU LISTENING

THIS IS IMPORTANT

THE EXISTANCE OF THE HUMAN RACE DEPENDS ON YOU

Stranger: I should kill him with chili sauce?

You: Ok, after he’s good and lured out shoot him

Stranger: but …he already is!!

You: no the chili sauce is because he loves hot sauce on his chicken

Stranger: but what about the chilisauce?

Stranger: damn I like kfc too

You: ARE YOU OBAMA?

Stranger: but why not just poison the sauce?

You: His acute african nose can spot any misgivings in his sauces

Stranger: errrmmm…. no

You: good i thought I might have to computer virus kill you

Stranger: Ahh you clever

Stranger: so I have to buy a gun?

You: You don’t have one with you at all times?

You: Of course not your from the past.

You: Listen, just go to any pawn shop

Stranger: but I don’t have a liscence?

Stranger: will they sell one to me?

You: THE FATE OF THE WORLD MAN

You: JUST TAKE IT

Stranger: I know but…

Stranger: Ohhhhh…..

You: If you dont think you can handle this

Stranger: then?

Stranger: I think I can

You: Then since you can time travel come to the future and make sure we’re not making some crazy vibrator computers

Stranger: but Im not a good shot

You: He will be busy eating chicken

You: you can walk right up to him

Stranger: but….

You: maybe hold some more chicken in your other hand so he thinks your friendly

Stranger: won’t they throw me in jail?

You: Not if you explain the situation

Stranger: could you send me some official dogreat timesentation then on this mission?

Stranger: don’t want them to think I’m crazy or nothing

You: “Look, this fine upstanding member of society is going to vibrator the world off course and hurdle our planet into another galaxy causing the end of mankind”

You: People from Chicago are racist they will accept this explanation

Stranger: yeah but you are all the way in 2122 and you’re alive sooooo… my generation sounds to be in the clear

You: Whats your name? Is it Tommy?

You: Listen Tommy, don’t be a male reproductive organ.

You: Save the future world.

Stranger: but my name’s not Tommy!! its male reproductive organ!

You: Listen male reproductive organ, don’t be a male reproductive organface.

Stranger: I’m not feeling like it

You: Tell you what

Stranger: you’re being a jerk noe!

You: I will open a bank account in 2122

Stranger: *now

Stranger: yeah?

You: And back in 1919, with all the interest it will be worth kajillions

You: not to mentioneverything back then costs like a nickle

Stranger: but if you don’t open it until 2122 then it’s worthless to me!!!

You: you’re confused young male reproductive organ.

You: Perhaps you never fully understood time travel

Stranger: If I would open a bank account in 1919 fo you then you’d be rich!!

You: Look deep inside a goatse

Stranger: not me!!

You: And you will understand

You: Goatse makes time travel clear

Stranger: a goatse?

Stranger: is that a guy?

Stranger: do you want me to kill another guy?

You: How do you not know about goatse?

Stranger: it’s one thing to kill someone but to actually start looking inside them!!???

You: http://goatse.fr/

You: you dont have to kill anyone this time

Stranger: nah I’m not opening that link!!! you already threatened to kill me with a virus!!!

You: male reproductive organ, don’t be a woman's genitals.

You: I like the cut of your jib.

You: Want to cyber?

Stranger: Don’t ant to save the world anymore

Stranger: sorry

You: **** the world just get me off

Stranger: ok how?

You: with your mouth

You: are you a virgin or something?

Stranger: yes I am

Stranger: with my mouth?

You: I put my male reproductive organ in your mouth

Stranger: ok

You: suck on it

Stranger: then what?

You: no teeth

Stranger: ok

You: then i will great times in your face

Stranger: don’t like the taste

You: and we can go our seperate ways

You: fine

You: i pull out

Stranger: no biting?

You: and shove my male reproductive organ up your bum

You: do you like that feeling

You: thrusting my hard male reproductive organ in and out of your rectum

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