Day after day, week after week, I am constantly berated by religious groups. Judaism, Islam, Catholicism, half of the cult religions which I have created, etc… And I still find the fact that one may be sexually abused by a clergyman yet one may not replace the word “awesome” with “Jesus”.

The word “awesome” is often in misuse these days. As are the teachings of Jesus Christ, the man who inspired ignorant white people to burn crosses and dress up in bed sheets. Essentially, what one must do is merely use the name of Jesus in place of where one would normally say “awesome”. Whilst it may be extremely offensive to some it may be one of the greatest anti-secularist ideas ever.

Think of this:

M: Hey man!

Your child: Hey!

M: How was your weekend man, mine was Jesus.

Your child: What the **** is that supposed to mean?

Notice how beautifully awkward the situation is. As your child wonders as to what it is that I am saying I am teaching them deep religious values.

Jesus may mean of variety of things such as:

1: It was awesome

2: I walked on water

3: I got high on ecstasy and then continued to break into a mausoleum and started yelling at the coffins.

The third is, needless to say, overtly rare.