1. What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

2. How do you stop a baby from turning around in a hallway?

Throw a Javelin through it’s throat.

3. A guy walks into a bar and reads a sign that says, “Handjobs: 3 Dollars – Ham Sandwiches: 2 Dollars” he spots an hot blond behind the counter and inquires, “Are you the one that gives the handjobs?” she replies with a wink, “Yeah I am.” to which he responds with a smile, “Well wash your hands, ‘cause I want a ham sandwich.”