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News Ripped From Tomorrow's Headlines

Inspector Gu-
mshoe

Avatar: Inspector Gumshoe's Avatar

Level 10 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

This an excerpt from tomorrow’s issue of the SNOCA Gazette. Snagged it off the presses while I was casing the recent murders. Check out the top scoop:

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I snuck by the flatfoot’s to see if they had anything, but they were just as stumped as anybody. They did have this photo on file of the deceased, though:

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All I knows is, no perp I know in these parts could do that to a mongoose in a few seconds. I thinks we gotta look outside the usual suspects.

Also, I need to find out who that broad is, yeah?


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Cat Sidhe Ne-
koko

Avatar: 48418 Thu Oct 16 17:15:48 -0400 2008

Level 16 Permanoob

“/b/tard ”

Initiate a…

A…

Well, blast, can’t recall the technical term. Initiate that alert right under Nuclear Holocaust and right above Homebase is on Fire.

MONKATRICE

Avatar: MONKATRICE's Avatar

Level 10 Re-Re

HEHEHE FOOLS! I’ll solve this case before the fabulous person club even figures out there is a case to solve!


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Gentlemen

Avatar: Gentlemen's Avatar

Level 11 Re-Re

start your engines

MONKATRICE Posted:

HEHEHE FOOLS! I’ll solve this case before the fabulous person club even figures out there is a case to solve!

Excuse me? The fabulous person Club? Rephrase it, insolent child.


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Wyrd

Avatar: 2782 2011-10-31 19:56:49 -0400
24

[Brainfreeze]

Level 35 Camwhore

I tried to get over myself, but I'm just too awesome!

We all have alibis! We’ve been in a 276 hour raid since last week.


Joseph of Suburbia Posted:

I wish I would’ve given Wyrd one million upvotes.

~Brainfreeze~

Playing ForumWarz:

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Fatquack

Avatar: Fatquack's Avatar
30

[Brainfreeze]

Level 35 Camwhore

“Legs Wide Open”

And we never leave our parent’s basement anyway, since we have no social life.


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Ball

Avatar: Ball's Avatar
7

Level 20 Troll

“Pain in the ASCII”

That’s exactly what you would WANT us to think!

Inspector Gu-
mshoe

Avatar: Inspector Gumshoe's Avatar

Level 10 Emo Kid

“Gloomy Gus”

The chances that Brainfreeze had done it were slim to none, and Slim had just been taken in for questioning by the fuzz. But someone seemed to want us to think they did it. What was the angle?


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Murderousness

Avatar: Ron Paul
5

[70 Character Story-
tellers
]

Level 35 Troll

“Problem Child IV”

Such horrors! My heart skips a beat to think that a mongoose who only days ago eviscerated cobras withal sprightliness has had his life stolen from him by some vile force! Oh, what next?

Murderousness edited this message on 07/01/2008 7:12PM

I'M A SIG-DISABLING COCKMONGLER

Inspector Gumshoe Posted:

The chances that Brainfreeze had done it were slim to none, and Slim had just been taken in for questioning by the fuzz. But someone seemed to want us to think they did it. What was the angle?

You’re right Gumshoe, this smells like a frame up.

I am putting you in charge of this crime scene, you seem to have a good read on what is going on here, so you’re the point man on this mission.

We will get to the bottom of this.

I smell a conspiracy, and this nose never lies.


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TUBSWEETIE

Avatar: 3450 2011-07-31 00:45:06 -0400
28

[And The Banned Pla-
yed On
]

Level 37 Troll

MY MEMORY IS THAT OF A SMALL GRAPE

it’s today and i haven’t seen this headline anywhere what gives


Hobart Bliggity Posted:

I’m going to stop mid sentence because I just realized that forumwarz has become exactly what it started off parodying. A good number of the newer posters don’t see that we’re making fun of idiots and spammers and trolls that exist on other forums. They are the idiots and spammers and trolls we used to parody. I really can’t get past that right now but good work CZ I guess.

http://www.forumwarz.com/discussions/view_post/653647

Sphere

Avatar: 46030 Sun Oct 26 10:33:47 -0400 2008

Level 20 Hacker

“Buffer Overflower”

TUBSWEETIE Posted:

it’s today and i haven’t seen this headline anywhere what gives

Do you even subscribe to the **** No One Cares About Gazette?

Miss Trent

Avatar: Miss Trent's Avatar

[The Gentlemans Club]

Level 7 Camwhore

“Training Broad”

Alright, I went through their conference room. Found a bunch of giant posters with inspirational sayings, but on the back were taped Listerine breath strips laced with LSD. I think we’ve found the source of their “creativity”, but it doesn’t help much.

It also seems they eat a lot of chicken wings in there. Bones everywhere. I’ll send them to the lab to make sure.


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Cat Sidhe Ne-
koko

Avatar: 48418 Thu Oct 16 17:15:48 -0400 2008

Level 16 Permanoob

“/b/tard ”

To be honest, I haven’t done much lately. Been monitoring some other channels.

By the way, wonder if anyone’s picked up that one Russian murder yet? I sure hope not. Heh, messy job.

Miss Trent Posted:

Alright, I went through their conference room. Found a bunch of giant posters with inspirational sayings, but on the back were taped Listerine breath strips laced with LSD. I think we’ve found the source of their “creativity”, but it doesn’t help much.

It also seems they eat a lot of chicken wings in there. Bones everywhere. I’ll send them to the lab to make sure.

Good thinking on sending those bones to the lab, the uhh LSD strips…uh you might want me to hold onto them for now.

You know, just to make sure they are uhhh, properly disposed of.


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Hmmm… has anyone taken a look at his livejournal yet?

Also I think it would behove us to talk with LOLBags again since he was the last to see the mongoose alive.


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Miss Trent

Avatar: Miss Trent's Avatar

[The Gentlemans Club]

Level 7 Camwhore

“Training Broad”

Any idea where we can find this “LOLBags” person? I’m slightly out of my depth with this…element.

By the way, Mr. Monkey, you are looking better. And I’ll hang onto the breath strips. They’re evidence, eh?


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Orb

Avatar: 33233 Tue Oct 21 12:46:08 -0400 2008
20

[70 Character Story-
tellers
]

Level 69 Camwhore

“Venereal Biohazard”

EXCUSE ME. I don’t know how you all got in here, but… can I help you? Log in to see images!

Is this supposed to be some kind of prank on us? We have ENOUGH to deal with right now, if you don’t mind.

Orb Posted:

EXCUSE ME. I don’t know how you all got in here, but… can I help you? Log in to see images!

Is this supposed to be some kind of prank on us? We have ENOUGH to deal with right now, if you don’t mind.

Calm down maam this is an investigation we are running here.

No, this is no prank, and I suggest that if you want to find out what happened to your klanmates, then you let us do our job, without interference.


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Miss Trent Posted:

Any idea where we can find this “LOLBags” person? I’m slightly out of my depth with this…element.

By the way, Mr. Monkey, you are looking better. And I’ll hang onto the breath strips. They’re evidence, eh?

Why thanks you, that whole demon incident was…different…

Not sure who LOLBags is, I’ll check around and see what I can turn up.

By the way, do you have a breath strip on you? My breath is horrible.


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