Hi! I’m Tom and I’m here to help you. Send me a message if you’re confused by anything. Before asking me a question, please check the FAQ to see if your question has already been answered.

I may have been on your friend list when you signed up. If you don’t want me to be, click “Edit Friends” and remove me!

Also, feel free to tell me what features you want to see on MySpace and if I think it’s cool, we’ll do it!

I’d like to meet people who educate, inspire or entertain me… I have a few close friends I’ve known all my life. I’d like to make more.

Sincerely,

Tom

woot!

Awesome! Here are some more pics of me for all my fans. This is me in a windbreaker. Don’t I look awesome in it?

Here I am on TV! Or maybe the internet? I don’t even know anymore, I’m so famous!

And here I am with a hot chick. Man, if only I wasn’t, um, otherwise occupied! (no homo)

thes r 4 u if u want them!!!!!!!!!

Why, don’t be upset, sweetie. I’ll still be your friend. In fact, your photo reminds me of that one time when I partied at a KISS concert:

I bet you’re a real cool gal. You seem kind of like Eluna, this woman I met while promoting MySpace at some big conference somewhere. This is from the reception after I gave a speech on connectivity technology:

And here are some of the cool dudes I met on the trip. Maybe you’d like me to introduce you to one of them? I think they’re all straight.

LOL, oops on that last one! (no homo)

MySpace Tom Posted:

Why, don’t be upset, sweetie. I’ll still be your friend…

I bet you’re a real cool gal.

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

i luv u so much!!!!!!!!!!

i wish i cud b as pretty as those grils ur hangin w!!!! but mayb if u got 2 know me, u wud see what a nice person i am!!!! an mayb then u wud like be bettr than them, rite?????

omg i so want 2 b ur freind!!!! ur such a cool persn an u hang out w soooooooo many cool pple an ur nice an sweet an charmin an u make evry1 feel bettr by bein there frined!!!!!!!! omg i wish i wuz as cool as u!!!!!

plese b my frind??? ill send u mor pics an prove 2 u how much i u!!!!

lolz i luv myspace i get 20 frend requests a day from gurlz wit boobs!!1!!!! 99% of my frends list is gurlz wit boobs who play kanye wen i open der pages n i blasts outaa my speekers n i gotta dance. LULZ

Natalie Posted:

You read what he liked on his profile. You’re so shallow that a leaf couldn’t float in your depth. Guys post threads asking for your pictures because you give them something to fap to. That’s all you are to them. That is all you ever will be. No one likes you for your personality, unless by “personality” you mean “freakish breasts.”

if that wasn teh stuf he relly liked, then y did he put it in his porfile in the 1st place, huh??????? u takl like u actully no him an r protectin him or somethin, wen u don kno him at all or give 1 good gd about him i bet!!!!!

an im not shallo!!!!!!!!!1 i kno lots of stuf an i do lots of stuf w my life wile u jus sit aroun behind a computr screen an corrct pples gramar an be a compleet bitch!!!!!!! an if pple don like me 4 my personlaity, its at leest better than u, who pple dont like at all!!!!!!! nodoby wans 2 see u, nobosy posts threds abowt how hot u are, nodoby wans 2 cyber w u, and nobody loves u!!!!!!

an if u think my brests r bad, is only cuz u don have none, u aint gettin none, an nobody’s gonna look at u twice wen im around!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Escher Posted:

if that wasn teh stuf he relly liked, then y did he put it in his porfile in the 1st place, huh??????? u takl like u actully no him an r protectin him or somethin, wen u don kno him at all or give 1 good gd about him i bet!!!!!

an im not shallo!!!!!!!!!1 i kno lots of stuf an i do lots of stuf w my life wile u jus sit aroun behind a computr screen an corrct pples gramar an be a compleet bitch!!!!!!! an if pple don like me 4 my personlaity, its at leest better than u, who pple dont like at all!!!!!!! nodoby wans 2 see u, nobosy posts threds abowt how hot u are, nodoby wans 2 cyber w u, and nobody loves u!!!!!!

an if u think my brests r bad, is only cuz u don have none, u aint gettin none, an nobody’s gonna look at u twice wen im around!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My point, which you missed completely, is that you know nothing about him other than what is on his profile, which is what he shares with the public at large. You claim that he’s all sweet and nice and that you want to be his friend; I think it’s pretty obvious what you want, and honey, it’s not friendship.

Tila Tequila got famous from her pictures; hoping to hitch a ride on that star, darling?

Finally, you’re right. I would look at you more than once, if only to enjoy the comedic effect that your visage provides.

Oh shi-