How the **** do I win 3GP easily you ask?

Simple ****es, all you needa do is write a short sex scene between two NPCs of FW, or between two members. Orientation doesnt count. I’ll be judging the story on these guidelines:

How funny it is- Sex doesnt always have to be this serious thing where you’re out then back in. Try slipping some comedy into it. Sometimes laughter can make sex much more enjoyable..sometimes not, depending if you’re Xylon or not.

How visual it is- Details details details. Instead of saying “my small bum” you could elabourate on that and say “My tight, pink, pulsating bum” to create a much more visual, yet disgusting image for the reader.

How disgusting it is (also visual)- Make my minds eye see **** that’ll make me queasy, guru, whatever you want.

There is no limit to how long your story is. The deadline is 11:00pm next week Friday so be sure to tweak your submissions as much as possible before then. You dont need to add all the elements that I’ll be judging, that wont affect its overall score so write however you wish. Anything ripped from the net will be lol’d at and disqualified.

Good luck to all and to all a GTFO!

Torian Posted:

How the **** do I win 3GP easily you ask?

Simple ****es, all you needa do is write a short sex scene between two NPCs of FW, or between two members. Orientation doesnt count. I’ll be judging the story on these guidelines:

How funny it is- Sex doesnt always have to be this serious thing where you’re out then back in. Try slipping some comedy into it. Sometimes laughter can make sex much more enjoyable..sometimes not, depending if you’re Xylon or not.

How visual it is- Details details details. Instead of saying “my small bum” you could elabourate on that and say “My tight, pink, pulsating bum” to create a much more visual, yet disgusting image for the reader.

How disgusting it is (also visual)- Make my minds eye see **** that’ll make me queasy, guru, whatever you want.

There is no limit to how long your story is. The deadline is 11:00pm next week Friday so be sure to tweak your submissions as much as possible before then. You dont need to add all the elements that I’ll be judging, that wont affect its overall score so write however you wish. Anything ripped from the net will be lol’d at and disqualified.

Good luck to all and to all a GTFO!

I’ll just leave this here..

Thanks Tub Log in to see images! Torian edited this message on 02/27/2009 11:41PM

‘First Annual ForumWarz Orgy’:

It was dark and Jalapeno Bootyhole had just gotten home from a long day at work playing Xbox and not scripting a Gamble-Bot 3000 split feature. He got home, and aside his bed stand saw a rose coloured envelope. He looked at it, he knew only one man had the key to his apartment, and in shame stuffed it into his bedside drawer. Inside the nightstand he saw a spiked dildo, red as the envelope, yet sheening and metallic. It was sharp, like a dog comb, and would easily tear up anything it touched. It hurt at first to shove it into his bum, it was red and sensitive to the touch as the skin under your nails, it had been a month since it has last been penetrated in glorious pleasure. As blood began to trickle down his legs he used some of it as lube on his now fully erect male reproductive organ. Slowly but surely after his prostate had burst with enjoyment he was ready to shove the dildo in another place. It had taken months to stretch out his urethra, but the time had come to do so. Pain and pleasure shot down every nerve in his now torn, shredded, and heavily bleeding male reproductive organ. But he was bleeding too much, he began to black out.

The next day he awoke in the hospital. The doctors said his land lady had come in to collect the rent, she had come late knowing he had not money to pay it with, but pleasure. The doctor said they found a note with him. He knew it was time to go. That is how Jalapeno got to the ‘First Annual ForumWarz Orgy’. He walked into the run down convention center, it looked like a motel, smelled like a butcher shop, sounded like farm, and tasted oddly salty.

As he walked in he looked to the left and saw Fran. Fran took up a whole corner of the small room she was in, her size was easily over looked by the disgusting site of her soiled fat flabs. Brown and green **** surrounded her, it had been a week since they had her shipped in, she had not been able to move. Jalapeno saw as six guys pounded into her fat flabs shoving there genitals into her grimey salty folds. Fran was covered in an glistening glaze of semen, ****, drool, and god knows what else. For every man that left her own min-orgy it seemed that two came back. Jalapeno came over to say hi to his friend Fran but quickly projectile vomited his stomach contents and blood (from last night) unto her creating an even more putrid display. Fran, while trying to speak to Jalapeno, quickly slurped up the vomit. Fran does not eat by closing her mouth and swallowing, she lets her head limp to the side and jaw relax smashing her face into whatever food slurping and spattering it everywhere. This is how Jalapeno got his first ‘First Annual ForumWarz Oral-gy’ blow job. His male reproductive organ was shredded, torn, in pieces. Only one person would be such a pig to attempt to blow it. Fran slurped and gagged like an Asian woman eating noodles, and by the time Jalapeno attempted to came his semen shot out all directions like a sprinkler. When he was done Fran did not even seem to notice, like the very special blob she was. As he walked away he noticed Fran had been lobotomized. Basil did one thing right.

He pbumed to the next room. There he saw SG94, crying like he had never seen before. He knew SG94 was a cry baby because she sends duplicate reports like an anal-retentive ****. But as he peaked his head in he saw why she was really crying. Raepdog was behind her and yelled ‘I told you I would **** the **** out of you’. She looked like she was in pain and Jalapeno punched Raepdog in the nose. Thinking he was a big hero, he was shocked to see an enraged SG94, ‘Why are you hitting him?!... Hit me!’. It appeared that the ‘Fist Annual ForumWarz Orgy’ had its share of masochists. He hit SG94 softly as Raepdog regained his position. The ‘First Anal-ual ForumWarz Orgy’ was back on track as Jalapeno kept beating SG94 harder and harder until her face was bloody, bruised, and broken. Raepdog then called in his alts to finish off the job. He showed SG94 how to bake a bukke kake.

Jalapeno pbumed on even more until he saw Xylon. The fat sack of **** appeared to be strung out on some hard core Ice yo. His girlfriend was there and looked in need of a good male reproductive organing. He looked at her as Xylon explained to Jalapeno why his girlfriend would date the aforementioned fat sack of ****. She had a medical condition. Her bum and woman's genitals were switched. Between her cheeks was her woman's genitals, and in front of it was her bumhole. Harder and harder Xylon and Jalapeno ****ed the deformed woman, she kept moaing out in screams that sounded like a dying dog. Harder and harder until both men had finally came. It seemed odd and the men tired thinking the sad woman would never catch up, but then it happened. But to match her deformed genitals, she had a deformed orgasm. Her eyes exploded like that one guy’s testicle on House, the best show ever, a white and yellow liquid like puss spewed forth like a fountain for good minute. Xylon freaked out and shot his once lover immediately. Yet even this crude act of violence did nothing, for the orgasm marched on. Her tongue shot out and erected then too exploding into a puss hose. Her tonsils followed, swelling up to the point were they did not exit out of her mouth but ripped through the sides of her neck before two exploding into puss. Then a great pressure formed in her head before cracking like an egg splitting her scull open. It goes without saying the whole room was covered in puss and the naked bodies of both Xylon and Jalapeno matched suit. Jalapeno asked what to do about the dead body but Xylon just said Simon says **** it. So Xylon pounded his male reproductive organ into the left over brain matter, it had been mashed by the pressure till it resembled something like mashed potatoes. His male reproductive organ was red and inflamed from blood and his ‘cold soars’ and covered in the frothy white puss, it looked like an ice creme Sunday, so of course Jalapeno bit down on his male reproductive organ not thinking. He caught the fat person virus from ****ing Xylon’s Girlfriend. Xylon pbumed out at his castration, and Jalapeno left.

He back tracked and went back to the room with Raepdog. He saw Raepdog, Raepdog1988, GS49, and SG94 all in one ****ed up coke driven orgy. Raepdog had managed to **** the **** out of SG94, showing a nice foreign heathen just looking for some love. But it was not about love. It was not about pleasure. It was about power. Raepdog tied SG94 up, she could not move. Raepdog shoved his 12’’ male reproductive organ down her throat, relentlessly shoving it deeper and deeper . By the time he came she was choking and gagging. She screamed out no more but Raepdog was ready for another go. Do not worry, this was all planned. The safe word was ‘**** Me Harder’.

Jalapeno was dazed by all of this. His male reproductive organ was now nothing more than a string of flesh hanging from his groin. Fran looked like Jabba the Hut got sent through a Krispie Kreme donut maker. Raepdog had banished SG94 from being a **** but had imprisoned her in his net of power and control. Xylon had fixed his girlfriends sexual issues, but had ended up killing her in the process. Raepdog once again gave a girl’s life quality, then ruined it. It had been an odd day.

Thankful it was a three day convention!

The next day Jalapeno limped back into the convention. He went to one of the far back rooms. It was locked, thankfully his banaxe could smash through the lock. He wondered why on earth would anyone lock the door? Who could be ashamed when Fran was ****ing her own ****. It was Fingerz. Fingerz has a very large black gentleman with her, which was odd for someone of such racist nature. When Jalapeno looked he saw the man pounding her from behind, and when he looked more he saw a tattoo above her woman's genitals ‘Whites Only’. The man looked like he had a horse male reproductive organ transplant, by god, his male reproductive organ was 14’’ long and as thick as a soda can. She screamed out in pain, but she was compelled to partake in this hidden delight. Longer and longer she went until the man let out with the force of a cannon leaving her loose, droopy, and ashamed. Then after ‘Elephant Dong’ was finished out from the adjacent room can FalCon with a bottle of Grey Goose. He walked up to Fingerz and told her he would show her hot to lead a real klan. He, in goatse like grace, managed to her the whole bottle up Fingerz’ now trashed can sized bumhole. He then said in clbumic tone ‘Suck my male reproductive organ Log in to see images!onraul:’ and she obliged. The site of Fingerz now ripped, loose, stretched and repulsive bumhole drove Jalapeno away.

Next… More to come, maybe, idk if I get some good feedback there could be weekly installments.

Entering this contest with my diary of a troll hero once again Log in to see images!

Part 1: http://www.forumwarz.com/discussions/view/12740

Part 2: http://www.forumwarz.com/discussions/view/12996

Part 3: coming soon

BAMPSU. Needs moar posts

The Forumwarz Competitive ****ing Olympics

“In these trying times of moral and civil unrest I propose that we break into teams and **** each other for the amusement of others who shall reward us with cash and prizes” Robin Ward posted on his twitter. A thread was made in Contests and teams were made. The blue team consisted of Raepdog, Fingerz, FAIL, PatchTheDarkNut, Jalepeno Bootyhole and MyspaceTom. The blue teams gave themselves the nickname “The Felching Queefs”. The red team formed under the banner of “The Fighting Muffhounds”, and consisted of Falconfour, Femline, Xylon and his girlfriend Duckythemagicfine upstanding member of society, Scullyangel and Elenaratelimit.

Robin Ward blew his whistle and the first event started. (4-man Fluid Transfer)

The blue team chose four players and started with Fingerz, Raepdog, Jalepeno Bootyhole, and PatchTheDarkNut. Rapedog got down on all fours with his bum in the air as Fingerz pulled away her skirt to show a bush that looked like Buckwheat’s head and released a torrent of period blood from her Arby’s style meat curtains onto Raepdog’s head. Jalepeno Bootyhole shoved 14 bottles of tylenol of Rapedog’s bum and Patch dove headfirst going shoulder deep trying to munch up the drug. JB rammed his male reproductive organ into Patch who had rammed his head into Rapedog who was lapping up the menses Fingerz had poured onto him. Fingerz grabbed Raepdog by the ears and shoved his mbumive head into her gaping bum and grinded his shoulders until blasting him and the rest of team back with a fart that broke the sound barrier.

The red team not to be outdone started with Falconfour, Femline, Duckythemagicfine upstanding member of society, and Xylon. Falconfour flew into the air and began raining taco**** onto the others who rolled around in the flying troll**** while Femline used her coarse tongue to lap away at Duckythemagicfine upstanding member of society’s clitoris while Xylon fisted Femline and Ducky in the bum. Ducky opened her mouth and Falconfour flew down and dropped his Falcon balls in her mouth. Ducky bit down and swallowed while Falconfour rolled around in his own **** spurting blood from his wound. Ducky spit out his balls and Femline pounced on them while Xylon pounced Falconfour and shoved his tiny but erect male reproductive organ into his left eye leaving him blinded with rage and semen. Femline ****ed Ducky harder and harder with her tail until Ducky squirted a torrent of female great times on the rest of the team before they all stood took a bow and Falconfour flew off into the sky to commit seppuku in the air raining ****, blood, ****, and great times on his team before falling to the ground.

During Round Two (The 2-man Anal Stretch) Fail and MyspaceTom turned to each other as Fail bent over as MST shoved his mbumive hacker male reproductive organ into Fail’s bum pushing and pushing until pulling out and shoving basketball up Fail’s bum grabbing him by the hips and placing on his head as a goatse hat, shoving the ball completely inside.

Elenaratelimit looked at Scullyangel with confusion as Scully pulled out a mbumive paddle and with one mbumive flick of the wrist hit Elena’s bum so hard she momentarily went two dimensional before widening to the point similar to Raepdog’s bum. Scully then pulled away his skirt and revealed a monstrous 19 inch male reproductive organ and rammed it so far into Elena’s bum her eyes bulged ever so slightly before her entire head and torso exploded onto Robin ward along with the tidal wave of scully great times

Robin Ward cried to god and repented of his evil ways for inciting such depravity but God set Robin Ward on fire and condemned him to an eternal punishment of trying to teach 4chan users proper english and grammar.

Fingerz + Falcon + 5 Bottles of Grey Goose Mafiosi + 7 Vibrating Dildoes = Evil Trouts Conception Log in to see images!

My Story. Enjoy.

Give Xylon the win Log in to see images!

“Flamebaiting Sparks”

It was a typical day in ForumWarz. Xylon was typing furiously, his fingers racing. Sweat dripped from his forehead. He delicately wiped it off. His deep, full, sparkling eyes went back to INCIT. ForumWarz wasn’t the same without Jalapeno Bootyhole there. Jalapeno Bootyhole was on a vacation, in Xylon’s Area! His heart beat at the thought of meeting up with Jalapeno Bootyhole. Suddenly, there was a knock at his door! He begrudgingly got up, and adjusted his sweatsoaked wifebeater. He wished for a moment that it would be Jalapeno Bootyhole on the other side of the door. He sighed, his round lips quavering. As his nimble fingers turned the knob, he was shocked to see it was just a salesman. “BUY MY SEASHELLS” screamed the salesman. Xylon already had enough seashells…what he wanted was Jalapeno Bootyhole.

As he walked back to his PC, he wondered what he’d have done if it was Jalapeno Bootyhole. His mind wandered from the normal, saying hi and asking if Jalapeno Bootyhole would like something to eat, to the odd, such as pulling Jalapeno Bootyhole in for a kiss. Xylon had never kissed a boy before. He’d had friends who did. They always said it was just like kissing a girl. He snapped out of this and went back to typing on INCIT. The doorbell rang again. Once again, Xylon stood up to get it. He exasperately thought out loud: “I SWEAR TO JESUS IF IT’S THAT ****ING SALESMAN AGAIN I’M GONNA KILL HIS FAMILY” He did the same menial, memorized, monotonous method of opening the door. Only this time, it wasn’t a salesman. It was Jalapeno Bootyhole. “Phew, good thing I didn’t need to use this!” said Xylon as he set down his handgun. Jalapeno Bootyhole looked confused, and grinned at Xylon, softly asking “**** MAN CAN I TAKE SOME PICZ AT YOUR HOUSE?

Xylon giggled. He could always count on Jalapeno Bootyhole to cheer him up. Jalapeno Bootyhole didn’t seem amused. “****ing hell man does it look like I’m joking?” Xylon casually said, “Oh, sorry Jalapeno Bootyhole, I can’t…my mom’d be mad.” Jalapeno Bootyhole looked around. “You’re home alone?” Xylon hesistated. “Well…yeah. My mom won’t be back for a few hours.” Jalapeno Bootyhole’s mouth opened in a satisfied grin. He then asked, “Hey…I’m kinda hungry. Have anything for me to eat?” Xylon quickly responded: “MY male reproductive organ” Jalapeno Bootyhole looked at Xylon strangely. “Erm…did you say chicken and rice?” Xylon timidly nodded. But as much as Jalapeno Bootyhole tried to hide it, they both knew that was the answer Jalapeno Bootyhole wanted. Jalapeno Bootyhole looked deeply into Xylon’s eyes. “Xylon…I wanna sample your gay…” “Poses?” Xylon asked. “No, Jalapeno Bootyhole, I want to sample YOU, gay.” Xylon blushed, and then replied with, “BEYBLADIOS” Jalapeno Bootyhole loved that kind of quirkiness. In fact…Jalapeno Bootyhole loved Xylon.

Xylon was almost at panic. The sweat sparkled in his eyebrows, so beautifully defined in the afternoon. “Jalapeno Bootyhole…I’ve…never tried being gay before…” Jalapeno Bootyhole chuckled. “Xylon…gay is always in you.” “Jalapeno Bootyhole ARE YOU CALLIN ME A HOMO-oh wait, shucks, you’re right!” Xylon felt the room spin. He’d dreamt of this for years, but now that it was happening it felt so wrong. “It’s okay to be afraid…let me begin.” Jalapeno Bootyhole dug his fingernails into Xylon’s neck and pulled him in for the kiss. Jalapeno Bootyhole’s tongue floated around Xylon’s mouth like Rayquaza around Sky Pillar. Xylon wanted to push him away, he really did. But he couldn’t. He was already buried in pbumion. Jalapeno Bootyhole pulled away after what felt like an eternity of unadulterated pbumion. “Xylon…which forum I pwned for THIS day.” Xylon grinned at his cheesyness. “Who do you think I am? TUBSWEETIE?” “No…because I don’t do this with TUBSWEETIE.” Jalapeno Bootyhole pulled down Xylon’s pants.

Xylon’s phallus came to life as if Tifa Lockheart had used a Phoenix Down on it. But enough about her…this was about Jalapeno Bootyhole. Jalapeno Bootyhole seemed surprised. “I’ve never seen one that big…EXCEPT FOR MINE” Xylon sighed. “Jalapeno Bootyhole you one-upping fabulous persongo-OH ****” Jalapeno Bootyhole wasn’t bluffing. His manly meatballon looked like a Lugia in full flight, and made Xylon’s throbbing Ho-oh feel inadequate. Jalapeno Bootyhole placed his hand on Xylon’s Flying/Fire type and used vice grip on it. Xylon had never felt anything like this before. It perplexed him. What perplexed him even more was that he was related everything in his gay love escapades to Pokemon. Jalapeno Bootyhole then looked even more determined. “Xylon…sit on the keyboard.” Xylon was hesitant. Jalapeno Bootyhole commanded: “XYLON GET THE **** ON THE ****ING KEYBOARD” Xylon had never heard such commanding speech from Jalapeno Bootyhole. He liked it. He slowly climbed onto the keyboard and felt the keys against his Negro Patrick Star.

Jalapeno Bootyhole descended upon Xylon’s quivering miniature Vin Diesel. His mouth speedily traversed Xylon’s organic Wiimote, to the point of Xylon shaking. The noises were amazing. The sucking noises from Jalapeno Bootyhole. The frantic clacking of the keys. “Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure” playing on the TV. He took this opportunity to look into Jalapeno Bootyhole’s eyes. They were full and beautiful. Jalapeno Bootyhole understood Xylon like no one else. And he was great at giving head. He quietly whispered to Jalapeno Bootyhole, “Jalapeno Bootyhole…I…I…love you.” Jalapeno Bootyhole latched off Xylon’s caramel male reproductive organ. “I love you too.” There was enough awkward silence to fill Snorlax’s stomach. Xylon smiled, and said, “**** DID I TELL YOU TO STOP SUCKING” Jalapeno Bootyhole blushed and went back into his tracheal expedition of the wild frontier, a.k.a., Xylon’s willy. Xylon rang out in augish, “I…I can’t take it anymore! Bend over, Jalapeno Bootyhole. This is something I need to do. He hopped off the keyboard, never glancing at the monitor, which currently displayed MC Banhammer ranting at Xylon for “typing gibberish and being a ****ING TOOL HURR”.

It was perfect. Jalapeno Bootyhole was on all fours on the floor. A four on the floor beat came into Xylon’s head, much like he would be coming into Jalapeno Bootyhole’s pooper. Jalapeno Bootyhole bobbed his bum eagerly. “HOLD THE **** ON” delicately said Xylon. He finally decided the time was right, and plunged into Jalapeno Bootyhole’s bum like he was spamming Brandish on Pibum. He began to realize his MS fandom was taking a toll on his mental health. As he thrust away, Jalapeno Bootyhole smiled. “Lemme show you something I learned while in 4chan” “Jalapeno Bootyhole, I didn’t know you had techniques for taking it in the chocolate void!” “XYLON YOU PERVERT I MEAN THAT I LEARNED HOW TO MAKE PASTRIES FROM THE BREAD AND WATER THEY GAVE US” said Jalapeno Bootyhole as he held up a homemade cake. Xylon stopped for a second, scared that Jalapeno Bootyhole was ashamed and wouldn’t like him anymore. Jalapeno Bootyhole giggled. “You know that’s why I love you Xylon.” Xylon let out a sigh of relief and went on to relieving sighs of pbumion.

Finally, Xylon felt the strangest sensation…not unlike being surrounded by beautiful roses while dancing in the moonlight and drinking the greatest drink ever made and beating the **** out of the local seashell vendor. He realized this was an orgasm, but far more different than the ones he had while fapping. This was…paradise. Orgasiutopia. He then pondered how much of a kickbum theme park that could be. It’d have rides like the ****ing G Spot Spinner, Roller great timesster, and Crazy Clits. But what if you brought kids in there? Dude, this is kind of ****ed up. What would the basic mascot be? He agreed on the mascot being a pile of great times as he fired one into Jalapeno Bootyhole. Jalapeno Bootyhole fell off Xylon’s pelvic diving board, as the manslime oozed from him. “Xylon, are you up for a power strike? Trust me, it’ll do alot of dmg…” Xylon was in no mood. “YOU FGT YOU DO REALIZE MY MOM’S GONNA BE HOME” Jalapeno Bootyhole looked hurt. “Sorry man, it’s just, I’m still a little confused about what just happened.” “You ****ed me in the bum retard” “Oh right”.

After they both changed into their clothes, they talked about their new relationship. “Jalapeno Bootyhole…if you’re ever in the area…call me.” “How about you come visit me you lazy douche” “What?” “I SURE WILL XYLON MAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH” “Oh, okay!” They shared one last kiss, with more tongue and pbumion. As Xylon watched Jalapeno Bootyhole walk out the door, he wondered if they’d ever be together again, and how it’d be like talking on Flamebate. Then the door opened once more! Jalapeno Bootyhole ran back in and hugged Xylon as tight as Jalapeno Bootyhole’s bum probably was before he experimented with Quasidan’s male reproductive organ. “Xylon…I had to come back to tell you this…” “What is it, Jalapeno Bootyhole?

“Seriously man, can I take some picz?”

Wow, I’m honored to be featured in some of these…these horrible things.