Hello, my sweet lover.

Just because it’s you, I have some offers that will make 8 BP seem like chump change. Just stick it in my thong-band, when I’m done.

Not only are you the sexiest thing alive, you make Chuck Norris look like Stephen Hawking. I’ve already begun on a page of Capn_Fever facts, such as “Capn Fever wears a live rattlesnake for a condom” and “Capn_Fever can clog a toilet just by ****ing.”

And of course the normal ones still apply, like “Capn_Fever is so manly he blows bubbles with beef jerky.”

For the mere pittance of 8 BPs, I will let you have your complete and utter way with me. And I mean degrading. I’ve already got the fisting mitten lubed up.

It would be an honor to be repeatedly, bloodily, and forcefully violated by your astounding man-ness, your Highness. I’ll even throw in a free fursuit and THOR. Yes, THOR. You can decide who gets to take it. I will bury all 7 vibrating doldoes inside my sweaty body, just for your viewing pleasure.

If I heard right, (and I did), you’re the only person on ForumWarz who got an IQ score higher than drool on the test. E-peen is nothing. You only use your e-peen measurement so as to not crush the hopes and aspirations of everyone else who wish their rl-peen was half the size of yours, because of the inestimable quantity of your modesty.

We’ll make a video together, just you and me, and then I can find out for real whether you don’t **** anything but Nerds candy and newborn puppies, like everyone tells me. And when I see your fabled jizz of orange soda, it’ll be over. All over, because no mortal furry like myself can handle it.

In fact, you’re the reason furries dress up at all. You inspire such intimidation and respect that all other humans longing for your sexing wish to be nothing but ****beasts for your enjoyment.

Jesus had you in mind specifically when he got crucified, and it made it all worthwhile. Specifically, the epic man-hair on your chest and your ridiculously huge male reproductive organ.

Ok lets do this. I will do nothing. Nothing positive at all. I might say thank you. Or thanks. And then not give a **** for maybe… what, ever. I will make jokes of your homosexuality loosely and think of you as the bumhole you are. No more no less. I will not even humor you.

This is just offer number one =)

On the other hand I could bow down to you on my computer shrine (complete with gold encrusted computer screen and diamond covered keyboard) say Capn_Fever is the best… and then admittedly puke all over my goat leather chair and wash my mouth out with bleach. Talking **** is of course a high offense in my religion (My religion is entirely based on my beliefs, my bible is google) so I may say whatever you please but afterwards I would feel incredibly guilty.

Second one any better?

Moving on.

On this one I will acknowledge the fact that yes, you are ****ing funny, I admit it. I feel bad for admitting that but hey, at least on this third one I mean it. And to support your funny way of being, I will ask for you to keep one of your BP’s (yes just one because I am a desperate son of a **** and need 7 for episode 2) as a donation for the ‘Lets Put Up A Funny Community Ad Where We Make Fun Of d4’. It would be an honor to have something funny, or just plain sick in my name. Go nuts.

As for this third one I’m well aware that you said it was just for fun and BP, but you can feel free and actually do that, I’m a good sport I can laugh at myself Log in to see images!

I’ll let you jackhammer me in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus’s tummy-tum.

I totally will dude.

Seriously.

If you choose me I will not only love you, cherish you and crusade against your enemy’s, but I will also build you a DOOM map called “Fever is ****ing great”. It would be a giant statue of you with pinatas, unicorns and a big-bum cyberdemon hanging from it hanging from it. The very sight of this map will make all who behold it bow and hail the great man who it was based on, and that man will be you.

HEY YOU!

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Give me 8BP and I’ll let you be my sister’s first.

She’s 9 :-D

If thou shall giveth me thy 8 browneth points I shalt chargeth ma lazor and pointeth it in your bumehholeth Log in to see images!

You want me to bumer you up? I’m willing to do that. I’ve got five sticks of bumer in the fridge ready for it. And when you’re nice and oily, I’ll put you on a huge plate and give you some mashed potatoes to go along with it.

Whatever works for you, huh? Just watch where you stick the fork.

Because i have unspellable name.

Also i’ll friend you :wink:

I will tell you the way to san jose